Dane CookÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s new HBO series is redefining the way we look at stand-up comedy while changing the careers of four comics. Punchline Magazine checks in with the stars of Tourgasm and finds thereÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s always time to gild a lily.
Interview by Dylan P. Gadino
Dane Cook Every Sunday, the worldÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s most popular comedian today, Dane Cook and three of his longtime comic friends Ã¢â‚¬â€œ Gary Gulman, Robert Kelly and Jay Davis Ã¢â‚¬â€œ can be seen in HBOÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s documentary series, Tourgasm. Filmed over 30 days during the groupÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s 20-college tour in the spring of 2005, viewers have been getting a serious glimpse inside the world of stand-up comedy. Whether the men are busting each otherÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s balls, causing themselves bodily harm or performing on stage, each episode is filled with plenty of laughs.
With a little help from conference call technology, Punchline Magazine recently chatted with all four comedians. To preserve the natural flow of the conversation and to give readers that sense of Ã¢â‚¬Å“being there,Ã¢â‚¬Â what follows is largely unedited. Enjoy.
Dane Cook: Hey, whatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s up everybody? Who do we got?
PM: Dylan from Punchline Magazine here.
DC: WhatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s going on, man?
PM: Not too much. Thank you so much for doing this.
DC: Alright listen, dude I gotta split.
PM: Oh man. Well, itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s been nice.
DC: Just playing, just playing. So Bobby and Gary are here? Who else is here?
PM: WeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re actually waiting for Bobby.
Gary Gulman: Dane, how are you?
DC: IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m doing ok, man. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m doing ok, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll give you a buzz after weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re done. I just got back. Hey, whatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s up Jay?
Jay Davis: Hey, man.
Robert Kelly is on the line.
Robert Kelly: Hi, boys. (said in an effeminate tone)
DC: WhatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s up Roberto?
GG: Hi, Bobby.
RB: WhatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s up, Gary?
PM: Bobby, whatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s up?
RK: WhatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s happening?
PM:Not too much. How are you?
RK: Good, I just tinkled.
PM: You just tinkled?
PM: So youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re all empty?
RK: Yeah, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m ready to go.
PM: Nice, so everyoneÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s here then.
DC: Do you want me to start with my questions, Dylan?
PM: You have questions?
DC: No, no you can go.
PM: So when was the last time you guys all saw each other in person?
DC: WhoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s this for, Dylan? You gotta help us out here.
PM: ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s for everybody. Anybody could answer. Dane, you want to answer?
DC: Jay, you host and then bring Gary up.
RK: IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll open. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll open and then bring me up but then next time you bring me up and then Gary.
JD: You got it.
DC: Let Gary start because I think Jay just woke up.
GG: We saw each other at the Tourgasm finale Ã¢â‚¬Â¦ what was the date of that, June something Ã¢â‚¬Â¦ like three weeks ago.
DC: Yep, that was episode nine that we all gathered together.
PM: And where was that?
GG: Santa Anita Race Track.
PM: Gotcha, gotcha.
RK: We filmed episode nine the other day, a few weeks ago. We all got together and did another little thingie, a little activity. We kinda closed out the show in such a fantastic way that we all almost died.
DC: The one thing about the show that people keep saying is Ã¢â‚¬Ëœwhat the fuck is with all these activities that you guys did?Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ It was like look, weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re comics. If we didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t get up, we wouldÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve slept like most of the fucking day. The activities was basically so we could have a little thing called footage.
RK: Dane, can you not say Ã¢â‚¬ËœfuckingÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ though? Cause thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not you.
DC: Sorry, let me make a sound. (makes a high pitched censored-for-TV-type of sound)
GG: Tourgasm was like a cruise and Dane and Brian [Volk-Weiss, executive producer] were the activities directors so we did a lot of senior citizen typeÃ¢â‚¬Â¦
JD: We needed to have a doctor on set. There were injuries on every activity.
RK: Most people donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t know this but Bill Hicks and Richard Pryor, if they ever toured they actually went mini golfing or go-kart racing just to pass the time of the day. Activities are a huge part of comedy. Am I lying guys?
DC: Bobby, throw a Ã¢â‚¬ËœfuckÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ in there next time.
RK: Fuckin suck it, dummy.
PM: Do you guys miss each other or what?
GG: Yeah, we have a great time together.
JD: Bobby is right next door to me right now.
RK: I love you, Jay.
JD: I love you too, man.
DC: WeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re all friends from back in the day anyway. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve known Bobby and Gary for most of my young adult life and I met jay on an online dating thing called eHarmony.
JD: we were on J-Date actually.
DC: So weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re all bonded by this craft, by this art form called stand-up tragedy. I mean comedy.
RK: Yeah, dude. Me and Gary used to wait tables together.
GG: At an Italian food restaurant. Bobby got me the job and now we have the same shrink.
RK: ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s right (laughs) the same shrink.
GG: I had a break though yesterday.
PM: Can you tell us about it
GG: Can I tell you about it? Um, no. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s just between me, my therapist and Bobby Kelly.
RK: Cause I listened outside the door. No, I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t do that, Gary. I loved the other day I go, Ã¢â‚¬Ëœdude I canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t believe he charges me a hundred bucks.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ Gary goes, Ã¢â‚¬Ëœhe only charges you a hundred?Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ (GG laughs) ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the oldest comic trick in the book..
DC: IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve never gone to therapy but I play Call of Duty 2. ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s where I get my aggressions outÃ¢â‚¬â€ with an online sniper rifle.
RK: ThereÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s nothing better than playing you in Call of Duty or any war game over the net and shooting you in the face with a sniper rifle.
DC: Yeah, Bobby and I have spent probably the entire year from 2000 to 2001 playing Quake.
RK: And I think 98 percent of that is you killing me and shooting me and then laughing hysterically typing Ã¢â‚¬ËœHahahaÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ in three different languages.
PM: Where is everyone right now?
RK: look behind you
PM: What you donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t know is that I have a giant poster of you guys right behind me.
RK: ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s fucking weird.
DC: Dane Cook is in Los Angeles, California.
RK: Bob Kelly is in San Francisco
JD: And I am also in San Francisco with Robert Kelly (voice is very deep and gruff)
PM: Who is that?
GG: Gary Gulman is in New York City.
DC: Jay, did you get a sex change?
JD: This is my speaking voice.
DC: I never heard this voice come out of your body, dudeÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ drink some water
JD: What do I sound like?
RK: You sound like a tranny.
JD: Well I am in San Fran.
DC: Gulman, are you in New York?
GG: Yeah, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m in BarryÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s old apartment. (ed. note: Barry = possibly manager Barry Katz?)
RK: But, Dylan, to answer your question. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m very happy that GaryÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s in New York cause I get to see him and itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s nice to shoot the shit and hang out and I do miss Dane and JayÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s with me now. But I think weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re all going to see each other on Monday and Tuesday again.
DC: Yeah, weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re going in to do commentary for a little series we did for HBO called Tourgasm.
GG: ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s for the DVD?
GG: Oh, cool.
(Someone hums the old school HBO theme song)
DC: ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll be fun reminiscing.
PM: Reminiscing about a few weeks ago?
RK: Well, you know what, everybody thinks I hurt my knee last week, dude. [ed. note: Bobby fucks his knee up playing football in episode four)
JD: I got people texting me, Ã¢â‚¬ËœI hope BobbyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s kneeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s ok. I got a text from a girl going Ã¢â‚¬Ëœman, I really hope that guy BobbyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s knee is getting better. I feel bad.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢
RK:I was walking through New York the other day and this dude is like Ã¢â‚¬Ëœyour kneeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s better already?Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ And IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m like Ã¢â‚¬Ëœugh, yeah.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ I didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t want to get into it.
PM: The magic of television.
RK: The magic of television, exactly.
PM: So How is your knee?
RK: ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s actually still fucked up. It pops off a lot but IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m gonna get it fixed I think in 07. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m gonna get a cadaver knee in there. Actually DaneÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s donating his knee. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m gonna have a Dane Cook knee.
PM: WhatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Dane going to use for a knee?
RK: Um, he doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t need knees. HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s gonna get a bionic knee. HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s always wanted to be bionic so heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s gonna get a bionic knee. (everyone laughs) HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s going to be able to jump really high on one leg. HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s going to be the pogo stick champion of Japan.
PM: Dane, can you confirm this?
RK: I think I got a little too greedy on the laughs I was getting from the other fellas. I shouldÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve stopped it at the bionic knee. What do you think, Gary?
GG: Well, I think you kinda gilded the lily with the Japan pogo stick reference
RK: Gilded the lily? Wow!
DC: That should be your next album, Gul.
GG: Gilding the lily?
RK: MineÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s going to be called Less Talented. (Gulman laughs very loudly) and itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s going to look like the cover of the Hollywood Reporter.
(Dane laughs heartily and Gulman is squeaking now heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s laughing so hard)
GG: LetÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s explain that. That is in reference to a Hollywood Reporter article calling the three of us non-Dane people Ã¢â‚¬Ëœhis less talented friends.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢
DC: But that was after they said that I was not funny to anybody.
RK: So weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re even less funny and less talented than that.
DC: TheyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re like the Jeopardy! losers of funny. TheyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re negative funny and IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m just not funny.
GG: ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the report in Hollywood.
RK: And that guy who wrote the article is fucking hysterical. HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s hilarious. He knows comedy.
DC: I hear him and three other Hollywood Reporter writers are going out on a bus together. TheyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re going to write reviews around the country (waiting for a laugh)Ã¢â‚¬Â¦ nothing?
RK: I think you gilded the lily.
DC: IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m a lily gilder. I just want you to know how fast my business mind works. I already have Ã¢â‚¬ËœGilded the LilyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ shirts on my website Ã¢â‚¬Â¦ 19 dollars too much.
PM: Let me ask a really serious question here. This is super serious.
RK: Yes, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m gay.
DC: Oh, Jesus.
RK: IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m joking, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m not. I have a fiancÃƒÂ©.
PM: How has this show affected your lives?
DC: Good question. Jay you start and weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll go around the horn. Can I say that?
JD: Well, I mean people recognize me and IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m able to get on the road more and clubs are booking me and IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m getting the opportunity to feature on the road. So IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve stepped up from opener to feature act and looking forward to building more material to get into the headlining spot and gild a lily.
RK: What the fuck? Nothing has happened to my career
RK: No, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m joking. One, I got almost 5,000 new friends on MySpace in three weeks. Two. I patrol my email everyday for nude pics of titties and ass from women who think IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m cute and three, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m making a lot more money on the road and IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m getting recognized. You know what aggravates me though? JayÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s with me. WeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re kinda doing this little show together on the road here and he gets recognized more than me because of that fucking hair do. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m not even kidding, dude. Anywhere we are itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s like, hey youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re that guy and heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s gotta go, Ã¢â‚¬Ëœthis is Rob Kelly from the show.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ Apparently, chunky and bald doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t come across well on TV as much as thin and highlights.
PM: Have you thought about frosting your bald head?
RK: Yes I have.
GG: With actual butter cake frosting.
RK: I was going to put the stuff they put on honey buns from Holiday Inn Expresses. But yeah, things have definitely changed. People notice more. You know when you notice it more. I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t know if you guys notice it. Gary, youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve been in the public eye for a while, Dane you too. When you get on stage, when you just do a random spot somewhere and you kinda hear a hhhuuuuh!! in the crowd (does that excited inhaling thing people do) then once they realize itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not Dane coming on stageÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ I was on at the Comedy Cellar the other night and they go, Ã¢â‚¬Ëœyou guys know him from HBOÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Tourgasm. LetÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s give it up forÃ¢â‚¬Â¦. (excited inhale) Robert Kelly.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ (disappointed exhale)
PM: Gary, how about yourself?
GG: I have 6,000 new MySpace friends.
GG: IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m just fucking with you, Bobby.
RK: ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the oldest trick in the book.
GG: I knew that would upset you. Yeah, I get a lot of, Ã¢â‚¬Ëœhey youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re Gary GulmanÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ and I say Ã¢â‚¬Ëœno but I get that a lot.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ I guess I havenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t been out on the road like Bobby and Jay but I do get recognized from that show a lot. When I was on Last Comic Standing I got recognized by people in their 30s and 40s and with Tourgasm, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m very popular among teenagers and college kids so its really cool. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a whole new audience.
PM: And Dane?
RK: Yeah Dane, how has it changed your fucking life?
DC: You know how you think somethingÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a dream and youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re going to wake up any minute and itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s all going to be over? IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m hoping that happens. (they all laugh)
RK: I love how Dylan said IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m going to ask a serious question.
DC: Yeah, thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s how I do it, thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s how I hook you in. ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s how I pull you in. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m staying as busy as always. I like to do my thing and move on to the next whatever it is because if you canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t focus too long on the last one. You know thereÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s always people that come in that like your choices or hate your choices so I have found in years past when you sit around with your success or even failure too long itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s no good. So Tourgasm is like that time in my life and IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m proud of it. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m proud that the fans are tuning in and people are downloading. The first episode is the number one downloaded thing on iTunes. People are watching it on their Cingular phones. WeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re getting tons of MySpace response so speaking directly from Tourgasm, I set out to accomplish something and the four of us set out to accomplish something and we did it. The goal was achieved and the bonus is that itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s on HBO. So in that regard, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m thrilled. And beyond that, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve done a couple of movies and IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m getting ready to go up and do another one called Good Luck Chuck that we start in a couple of weeks in Vancouver and after that IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m doing another film with Steve Carell called Dan in Real Life and in between that IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll just be working on new stand-up. And my HBO special is going to be airing September 4th and thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the one I filmed back in Boston. So a little rest and then IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m bound and determined to do something else thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s interesting to me.
RK: I really have to learn how to answer fucking questions. That was beautiful.
DC: Yeah, you are a wreck.
RK: IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m fucking Ã¢â‚¬Ëœblah b blah b blahÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ and youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re like Ã¢â‚¬Ëœlife is goodÃ¢â‚¬Â¦Ã¢â‚¬â„¢
GG: Yeah, but you were able to work in the naked pictures of titties and ass and I think thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s worth it.
RK: Yeah, thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s why I gotta switch it up, Gary. I need your help, dude. I need to gild the lily with some positive shit.
GG: IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m always here.
RK: Thanks, man. Can I change my answer?
PM: Yeah, absolutely.
RK: Um, things are going well. Things are going good. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m glad things are happening. You know what you gotta do is not sit too long with what youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re doing now, you have to go forward and move on and do other stuff. So thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s what IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m going to do.
PM: That was very inspirational.
RK: Thanks, man.
DC: Bobby, I just deleted your MySpace account.
JD: Can I just say this to answer that question?
JD: ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s good to be single right now.
PM:ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s good to be single right now? What are you alluding to, Jay Davis?
JD: IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve never dated so many girls in my life.
PM: And by date, what do you mean?
JD: Just dating different girls right now, been shopping around.
RK: I love that. HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the only single one out of the bunch of us.
DC: So in other words, if there were in AIDS party, Jay is closest to being invited.
JD: Nah, itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not like that. Actually, thereÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s one girl I like right now so thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s cool.
PM: Ahhh, JayÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s got a crush.
JD: No, thereÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a girl whoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s been treating me nicer than all the other girls so thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the one IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m swaying towards.
RK: WhoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s that?
JD: You know, I like that one. I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t want to name her in an interview.
PM: Sure you do. ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s exactly what you want to do.
JD: Her name is Monique then. SheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s pretty nice.
GG: Monique? The overweight black comic? I love her.
RK: (doing bad Monique impression) Ã¢â‚¬ËœJay Davis is a motherfucker. He eats my pussy like chicken.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢
For the conclusion of our interview, when the Tourgasm boys get emotional, click here > > > TOURGASM: Interview Part 2
For more information, check out tourgasm.com.