Dane CookÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s new HBO series is redefining the way we look at stand-up comedy while changing the careers of four comics. Punchline Magazine checks in with the stars of Tourgasm in the conclusion of our two-part interview
Interview by Dylan P. Gadino
When we last left the guys, Jay Davis was reflecting on why itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s good to be young, single and Ã¢â‚¬Å“dating.Ã¢â‚¬Â As Dane CookÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s HBO series ends, the comics Ã¢â‚¬â€œ Cook, Davis, Robert Kelly and Gary Gulman Ã¢â‚¬â€œ shows us their sensitive sides. Grab a Kleenex, kids, and enjoy the conclusion of Punchline MagazineÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s interview with the comedians of Tourgasm.
PM: There were a lot of things that happened on the Tourgasm tour bus, typical guy stuff that you probably wouldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t normally share with your family or your girlfriends. Have you found yourself in positions where you had to start explaining yourselves?
GG: No, not really.
RK: You mean to like my fiancÃƒÂ©?
PM: Yeah, anyone.
RK: I mean, I asked Dane to hold my hand. I had to explain that. And I crawled into bed with Dane twice on the show, which I forgot about and I had to explain that to my fiancÃƒÂ©. But you know what? I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t care.
JD: I had to explain why my ass looks like Paris HiltonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s.
GG: I got drunk on one episode and it was clearly me, but my mother insists that it wasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t me and that I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t drink. She feels there was some sort of CGI manipulation to show me drinking and they put a cigarette in my hand through some sort of magic.
JD: My mom even said, Ã¢â‚¬ËœI didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t think Gary smoked.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ My mom.
RK: ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s my fault. Sorry, Gary.
JD: My mom was disappointed you were smoking, I swear. She said, Ã¢â‚¬ËœI didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t think Gary was a smoker.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢
RK: You know what? At least itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not worse than Dane. Dane shit in a bucket. How do you explain that?
PM: And pissed in a humidifier.
RK: Yeah, Dane likes to pee and shit into things youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re not supposed to pee and shit in.
PM: As we move close to the finale, are we going to see Dane teach us how to relieve ourselves in other type of vessels?
GG: Yeah, he beats off into a goldfish bowl. Is that what youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re talking about?
RK: And the goldfish actually swallows. He thinks itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s food.
(Gary is laughing uncontrollably)
RK: I just threw up in my mouth. Hey, dude whatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s your nameÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ Dylan?
RK: Let me ask you a question before we get into this and give you all this magic. Do you like the show?
PM: Yeah I do, I enjoy it very much.
RK: Because last time we did one of these interviews I think we got trashed.
RK: It was for Entertainment Weekly
DC: ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s what journalists do. They pretend that youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re their best friend and they love you and then all of sudden, snarky remarks. DonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t trust anyone, Dylan. Never trust anyone.
PM: I trust no one. I promise I wonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t trash you. If you look at the site, itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s very positive.
RK: I like Dylan so far.
JD: It is a positive site. I love your site.
DC: ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s why IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m here, Dylan. Because we trust you.
RK: I like you.
PM: Thanks, man. Wanna get some coffee some time?
RK: Yeah, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d love to. Where do you live?
PM: Right outside Manhattan in Hackensack.
RK: Oh, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m not going to be able to do that.
DC: Hackensack? ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s where the missile was headed during Superman, the movie.
PM: Is that true?
DC: Yeah, Miss Teschmacher’s mom lived there and Superman promised that he would save Miss TeschmacherÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s mom.
RK: YouÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re talking number one, right?
DC: Yeah, Superman, the movie.
RK: I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t remember that.
DC: Yeah, Miss Teschmacher, she took the kryptonite off Superman and said if you promise to save my mom first, sheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s in Hackensack, New Jersey and Superman was at first a little bitÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ because he new Lois was where the other missile was going to California at the San Andreas fault. And he was like Ã¢â‚¬ËœOk, Miss Teschmacher,Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ and she threw a smooch on him and he flew over there and chucked that missile up into space, which when it exploded released the three criminals from the phantom zone. So it was actually SupermanÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s fault that the three criminals were released because the impact from the missile exploding in space, it was all Miss Teschmacher.
GG: Hackensack also wouldÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve been the name of a gay city Bobby wouldÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve used in his joke had he grown up in New Jersey instead of Massachusetts. (They all laugh.)
DC: Gary, that was a great laugh off of my story. I got a good laugh off of something that was mildly amusing.
GG: Say it, Bobby.
RK: Say what? I got nothing.
GG: Say Ã¢â‚¬ËœHackensack.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢
RK: Hackensack. (said in an effeminate voice)
DC: Dylan, Bobby used to have a character called Helga Sockwater where he used to take his own hair Ã¢â‚¬â€œ cause he had long hair Ã¢â‚¬â€œ and make a mustache on himself and he would go, Ã¢â‚¬ËœIÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m Helga Sockwater (said effeminately) from Chelsea, Massachusetts.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ And then he would eventually end up crapping his own pants smell his fingers and say Ã¢â‚¬ËœTime to make the donuts.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢
RK: WhatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the song I sang in the eighth episode?
DC: (singing) DonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t stop, filming my face. Dylan, YouÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re going to witness on episode eight one of the most god-awful moments in television history. I mean HBO will definitely have hit an absurd moment in history when you see Robert KellyÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ I have video of him in 1990 when we did a road gig together and I have the video camera on Bobby. The lyrics are this. I just want you to hear the lyrics because I want you to know how narcissistic Bobby was. The song was called Ã¢â‚¬Å“DonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t Stop Filming my Face.Ã¢â‚¬Â And then he sang it like this, (singing) Ã¢â‚¬ËœDonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t stop filming my face.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ (sounding like the song, Ã¢â‚¬Å“DonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t Stop BelievingÃ¢â‚¬Â). It is atrocious.
RK: That episode made me cry.
RK: ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a great episode. Well, thereÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a part with Dane that shows some creepy, before-he-was-famous shit that was like, Ã¢â‚¬Ëœwow!Ã¢â‚¬â„¢
DC: I made some predictions back in Ã¢â‚¬â„¢90.
RK: Yeah, what did you say?
DC: I was up on stage doing something. I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t even remember what I was doing. And the guy filming me, I told him to come up on stage.
RK: I was filming you, jackass
DC: Was it you or Al?
GG: I think it was Al.
RK: Gary, you werenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t there.
DC: And I said, come here. Film this side of my face. Get me over on this side because this is going to be on HBO. It isreally cool and creepy when you see it.
JD: And itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s really on HBO now.
DC: Who wouldÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve thought my home video in 1990 really would be on HBO.
RK: Apparently you, you fucking Nosetradamus. DylanÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ WhatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s up?
RK: Are you writing or recording this?
PM: IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m recording.
PM: I have a very high-tech system here.
DC: Ok, Dylan. Hit us with your next question.
PM: In the episode that Gary vanished, it was all very mysterious. Where did he go?
RK: Actually, Gary works for Doctors Without Borders. (Everyone laughs hysterically.)
GG: That is the best thing I heard all day.
DC: Yeah, me too. But the dayÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not over.
GG: I can tell, right? I had a college booked before the tour started.
RK: If you look on those four days that he was gone, if you go to the three states he was in, youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll find six women missing and it forms a little symbol on the map.
GG: Actually, the six women form a Star of David.
RK: I was going to say that but IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m not Jewish.
GG: No, youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re allowed to say Ã¢â‚¬ËœStar of DavidÃ¢â‚¬â„¢; Star of David is just a Zionist symbol.
RK: Oh, okÃ¢â‚¬Â¦. Jay?
RK: You sound very manly today. (Someone knocks on RobertÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s hotel door) Hello? Who is it? What are you sorry about? Someone just fucking knocked on my door and said they were sorry.
JD: That was me.
RK: Was that you, Jay?
RK: Was it?
JD: Yeah, I ran out there real quick.
PM: Before we go, I want to have each person go around and pick one person and say something nice about that person.
DC: That sounds like picking favorites
PM: Yeah, thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s fun.
DC: What if Ã¢â‚¬â€œ and weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll just use this as an example Ã¢â‚¬â€œ no one picks Jay.
RK: That might be fun in your Sex and the City circle but in our circle we could lose our friendships.
PM: Ok, you could edit those instructions any way you wish.
DC: I love taking over.
GG: Robert Kelly has made a miraculous transition in his life for the better and itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s been very impressive to have a front row seat for that. He went from being sort of a bachelor to now heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s engaged. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s very exciting and IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m very happy for him.
PM: WhoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s nextÃ¢â‚¬Â¦?(long pause) Hello?
RK: That would be funny if we all hung up on Dylan.
PM: That would be very sad and tragic.
RK: IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m kidding.
PM: Dane, you wanna go?
DC: IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll close it up. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m still trying to think of who I want to pick.
JD: I guess since Gary picked Robert, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll pick Gary and say that IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m proud of him. HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s doing great things. HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s always been there to support and help me through a lot of comedy and mentor me. And heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s just a good friend.
RK: I think the one he was going to say about me wouldÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve been a little better. I would like to say something about the three guys.
RK: IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m going to take over. First of all, Jay Davis. I think that him learning to roll with the punches and learning to put himself out there and accept it, accept what he did as him, shows that heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s alright with himself. And thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s one of the biggest battles of a comedian is to know yourself good and bad and be ok with that and let people in on that. So I give him credit for that, that heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s learning how not to take himself so seriously and bring that up on stage and let the people in on that.
GG: HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s also ten times funnier than he was on the episodes.
RK: Yeah, heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a lot funnier. People say, Ã¢â‚¬ËœHow does Jay do on these shows that weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re doing.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s only had maybe like 17 bad shows. No, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m joking. HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s done great on all the shows. And people see him on the Ã¢â‚¬â€œ they donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t show that much stand-up on Tourgasm Ã¢â‚¬â€œ but they come to the shows and theyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re like, Ã¢â‚¬ËœWow, heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s really funny.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ So itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s good to see that, to see people actually dig his comedy too. Gary Gulman, look man, Gary is probably one of the nicest heartfelt human beings that IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve ever met. HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s one of the warmest souls IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve ever met. WeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve had ins and outs and hung out all the time. But when it comes down to it, whenever we see each other, thereÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a warmth you get from Gary that you just want to be around and a sincerity that I love about Gary.
GG: That made my day. Thank you.
RK: And Dane Cook. HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s my brother. WeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve fought, weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve fucking been friends, weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve made up and you know, heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the only guy that I could hang out on the phone with and really justÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ we laughed yesterday 20 minutes on the phone straight on one dumb thing that he said to me and itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s likeÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s my la famiglia. HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s my friend for life and he inspires me every fucking day to not give up and to keep going no matter what people think about you, whether they love you or hate you. So I would have to say that about those three guys.
PM: Well done.
DC: IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m going to pull a Bobby here too. One thing thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s made me really proud with the show airing is the reaction I get from fans basically thanking me for putting together a show that introduced them to Robert, Gary and Jay where they may not ever have been that familiar with them. Especially Bobby and Jay. A lot of people knew Gary from Last Comic. I think with Jay, heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s doing what a lot of people will never do. Jay is taking the risk. ThereÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a saying, Ã¢â‚¬ËœLook before you leap but if you look too long you spend your life looking and never leaping.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ And Jay is leaping. Jay is taking risks and he is brave enough to do that in front of millions of viewers. And that takes a lot of balls and I know a lot of my fans have come to me to say that theyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re really inspired to see someone like Jay. And IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m inspired seeing Jay. So I would say IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m inspired by Jay and it reminds me of what I had to do to get past the point where everyone was pointing at me and saying, Ã¢â‚¬ËœYou suckÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ or Ã¢â‚¬ËœBad choiceÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ or whatever it may be.
With Gary Gulman, I think Gary Ã¢â‚¬â€œ again, speaking first for the fans Ã¢â‚¬â€œ a lot of people are saying weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re so glad that weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re being introduced to Gary because like myself, I think GaryÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s prolific and I think an element that Gary has that I know people appreciate and I appreciate and part of why I wanted him on the tour is heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s an intelligent human being and he brings a lot of intelligence to his comedy even if itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s whimsical or if itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s irreverent. I like the fact that Gary puts a lot of effort into being articulate in a way that I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t think a lot of comics take the extra time to do. So IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m inspired by Gary as well in the way he approaches his comedy. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s always interesting to work along somebody and look at them doing something in a way that youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll know youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll never do it. And so that to me is cool.
And then Robert. Ya know, Bobby is my brother from the start. HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the first guy that ever whipped me into shape. HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the first guy that ever said, Ã¢â‚¬ËœFuck you, dude. YouÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re lying. YouÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re not living in the truth.Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ And that changed the course of my life and career. And I think through the fans, the word that I get about Bobby a lot is that heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s deserving. HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s put a lot of time and energy into building something for himself. And I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t think heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s seen a lot of the fruits of his labor but sometimes you just get one big harvest. You might not get crops for many, many years. And I think that Bobby is in that position. He may not have seen a lot of um, umÃ¢â‚¬Â¦
DC: Yeah, not a lot of corn right away but now heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s, deservedly so, earning the fans. And I think the thing about BobbyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s act is that heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a performer. Bobby is a one-man show. And I think he takes people for a ride. And heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s taken me for a ride over our 16-year friendship and career relationship and all that stuff. So, kind of encapsulating what the fans have said is what I believe. The fact that I get those comments through people, thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s why in my heart is why I brought these guys. It letÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s me know that Tourgasm is and was and always will be perfect to the idea that we set forth and that we all achieved something. It doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t matter honestly what critics or what anybody else says. We set out to do something with our lives and our careers and we did it. End of story.
For more information, check out www.tourgasm.com.