He’s given Pamela Anderson a verbal beating on Comedy Central and he’s sparred with fellow quick-wit comedians on Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn. On stage — as well as on a new Internet radio show — he constantly challenges the status quo. Now, comedian Nick Ni Paolo treats Punchline Magazine readers to a few of his stinging sentiments.
Please stop trying to meld the worlds of entertainment and professional sports. This effort has been going on for the past few years and must be stopped now!
Let’s get this straight. Professional entertainers and professional athletes are from two completely different vocations. I hear pro sports figures like Terrell Owens refer to himself as an entertainer. No, Terrell you are a professional football player. Just because millions of people find what you do on the football field entertaining doesn’t make you an entertainer.
If that’s the only criteria, then the owner of the two dogs I saw fucking in a church parking lot last week should be on the phone with the William Morris Agency as we speak– because that was some entertaining shit. I guarantee if CBS put footage of two dogs fucking on at 9 p.m. every Monday, we’d say goodbye to Two And A Half Men and say hello to Everybody Loves Humpin’.
This year at the Super Bowl they had a red carpet laid out– a la the Oscar Awards during the pre-game show. Can you imagine back in the day, Vince Lombardi being asked by Joan Rivers, “So who are you wearing tonight, coach?”
“None of your god damned business, lady!” would have been his response, and rightfully so.
What makes this more aggravating to me is that the same Hollywood jerk-offs who are trying to make this marriage work spend the majority of their time depicting jocks (professional or otherwise) as bullies, date rapists and assholes in every TV show, commercial and film they produce. But now that professional sports are a ratings bonanza for these networks, Hollywood agents and executives want a piece of the money pie that is the NBA, NFL or MLB.
And that’s fine. But quit doing things like turning the Monday Night Football booth into a second-rate late night talk show to push your shitty movies and TV series. I’m trying to find out if the last play was a touchdown or not, but I can’t because Mike Tirico is grilling Courtney Thorne-Smith about the complex plot of the next episode of According to Jim.
Last year the NFL had washed up actress Rene Russo pushing the playoffs. In one commercial she looks into the camera and says, “The playoffs are where moments are made.”
My response? “Yeah, and the kitchens are where sandwiches are made. Now get in there and make me one and quit trying to jump start your career on the back of Ray Lewis.”
I’ve been a participant in both fields: entertainment and athletics– the latter, albeit, at an amateur level. But in my opinion it takes a lot more work, determination and guts to succeed in sports than to be successful in Hollywood (see Paris Hilton). Pro athletes have been successfully making the jump to Hollywood for years but never the other way around.
Chances are you’ll see Tom Brady on the big screen before you’ll see Tom Cruise throwing one. Let’s quit pretending there’s no difference between the Walk of Fame and the Hall of Fame. They would never let a homeless crackhead piss on Vince Lombardi’s bust.