9:00 p.m. Alright, we’re in NYC for two days of auditions. Craig Robinson is now rocking a keytar and has a sax woman to lend the sporadically clapping flash mob some rhythm.
9:02 p.m. Oh, I know Alycia Cooper! Hi! She’s from my city. She’s doing some D.C.-related material, and gets passed after a slap on the wrist about her tags. Mike DeStefano has been doing stand up for 10 years. He is riffing on the street with some tough guy buddies with allergies, or maybe they’re sniffing because they’re caricatures. Seriously, why are they playing pizza parlor mob music over this segment?
9:05 p.m. DeStefano has some real-life material about being an addict. He is swearing it up, and everyone’s in love. Kenny Bozemon gets passed and so does Jamie Lissow. Claudia Cogan is a comic I love, and she is passed and runs off the stage after some organic cheerleading jumps of joy. Elon James White is passed. I just saw him at Aspen this past weekend and now he’s on my TV. That’s showbiz!
9:08 p.m. A naked man is not passed, but he has a good attitude. Shocker! No, seriously, he didn’t even act cold. A woman has flowers all over her head and will not stop talking about her butt. A clown is calling mimes morons. A woman has dust in her hair. What a Whitman’s sampler of the absurd!
9:09 p.m. Kurt Metzger has all three judges sold and Kindler passes him on the ”basis of his nugget.” Single ladies, Natasha Leggero’s finger’s got a ring on it, but no, not that finger, plus the rock is turquoise.
9:13 p.m. Tommy Johnagin is a comedy veteran and he plans to wink at Leggero. I hope he notices the ring. Giraldo agrees that women suck and Kindler feels threatened. I like summing up things like this is an episode of the Real Housewives series.
9:15 p.m. Todd Catalano is also complaining about women and caps his set with a Chewbacca impression. He starts off a montage of Italian New Yawk-style comedy. Best comedy in da world!!! Hey, I’m jokin’ heah! Stereotypes, amirite?!
9:18 p.m. I also know cute-as-a-button Jamie Lee. She’s pursuing the comedy full-time now after quitting the old ball-and-chain day job. She exit dances offstage after being passed! Meanwhile, back in line! Craig Robinson’s fog horn is dying in HD audio.
9:24 p.m. Roy Wood Jr. is talking about getting the troops out of Iraq using the analogy of a crazy girl. He’s passed across the board. Here comes a ventriloquist doll and his handler named Kenny Warren. Surprise! The doll has a doll! Roll the montage of doll clips. Dolls with afros, dolls that are geese with cigars, an old man doll, a stuffed duck in swim trunks, in other words, some real straightmen.
9:28 p.m. Jared Logan is doing a wine tasting in his apartment with his roommates, two of whom are Team Submarine. I remember seeing him in D.C. a year or two ago, and liking him. He’s passed with 2 out of 3!
9:30 p.m. Amanda Melson is a unanimous simultaneous yes, and Jesse Joyce is passed soon after. Flavia Masson mentions Hitler’s moustache in someone’s underwear. She knew the magic words to getting passed!
9:35 p.m. Jamie Lee is nervous for the showcase, but Craig Robinson is yelling so it must begin. He’s come such a long way from the Scranton stock room. Lee starts off the night and kills it with some street material (it’s related to being on the street). DeStefano is now talking about carrying a gun to cope emotionally. He’s joking, right? This guy keeps it real.
9:37 p.m. Roy Wood Jr. is discussing the travails of social networking sites. If your grandfather had Twitter back in his day, can you imagine!?! Fine, he will paint a picture for you. Kurt Metzger kills with a Michael Jackson death joke, and Amanda Melson is explaining what a yoga trance dance looks like, and it looks stupid (her words, not mine).
9:40 p.m. Jim David (not to be confused with Jim Davis, the guy behind Garfield) is getting in a fight with the automated customer service voice, and everybody relates! If this were English class, the major themes of tonight have been relationships, men and women, technology, spirituality, life and death, and product placement (the commercials).
9:45 p.m. Alycia Cooper is saying this could be anybody’s game and Tommy Johnagin does not have a plan B. Johnagin is describing scream crying covering both my aforementioned themes of relationships and life and death. His shirt coordinates nicely with the Gotham Comedy Club backdrop. His efforts warrant him an applause break. Cooper is talking about checking in your bags at the airport. We’ve all been there!
9:48 p.m. Flavia Masson is back in her pretty red dress that matches her hair color. I can’t tell if the judges are laughing with her or at her. Nope, I think she’s got ‘em with her maid’s telenovela. Jesse Joyce is talking about monkeys and throws a little leg into it.
9:50 p.m. Claudia Cogan promises to turn into 10 tigers if that’s what it takes. She discusses what LOLCI stands for. Also, don’t worry, she got tested. Jared Logan is too fancy sometimes, and he’s supporting his material by wearing a jacket and gesturing with an invisible scepter.
9:55 p.m. A commercial for America’s Got Talent where soul patched Howie Mandel plays the role of Greg Giraldo. We all love people putting their hopes and dreams on the chopping block on a primetime stage!
9:56 p.m. Roy Wood Jr. is moving on, folks! He’s grateful, as is Tommy Johnagin. Claudia Cogan is also passed with Kurt Metzger. Alycia Cooper, Amanda Melson, Jesse Joyce. Hey, these are all the people’s whose clips we saw! Mike DeStefano is joining the fold and so is Jamie Lee! She’s screaming, she’s so excited! I remember they make you tape your reactions when you come out after you actually come out. You go back and do it again. There is my magic inside scoop.
9:59 p.m. Next week is Day Two of NYC! See you then!