Marco Arturo Quintero, 29, who performs stand up around the Sacramento area, surrendered himself to the police yesterday after having a warrant out for his arrest. The warrant was issued because Quintero violated Megan’s Law by not registering his new home address, according to News 10 in Sacramento. Quintero was originally arrested for receiving oral sex from a 16 year old.
We didn’t think this was going to be necessary, but this news has prompted us to put together a quick guide called “How to Not Be a Sex Offender.” Gather round and listen closely.
Tip: The only people who should be receiving blowjobs from 16 year olds are other 16 year olds. This can be a difficult concept, so if you find yourself in a sexy situation with a minor, make sure you ask yourself these questions: How old is the person I’m about to get with? How old am I? If the answers aren’t approximately the same, you’re probably molesting someone. This is illegal, so you should stop.
Sorry we didn’t publish this earlier, Marco. Have a good time in court! Please let us know if upon your release we need to publish our supplemental guide, How to meet girls-Consensually!