9:00 p.m. Back in the reality trenches with this week’s gripping installment of Where in the World is Carmedian San Diego? No, but really each of the top 7 are stating their names and original locations for their intros tonight, and the Feds are probably keeping track on a server somewhere. But the ice is already broke through!
I guess saying where you hail from is pretty much like seeing people cohabitate in a giant funky house for weeks upon weeks. Just fill in the behavioral blanks!
9:03 p.m. Judges introduced and thunder cued up Greek gods-style! Jonathan Thymius is up again tonight, having received enough votes to pass through. A little personal snapshot first. Comedy-o-gram, his private business, takes Thymius to all sorts of private events, be it an anniversary or a bar mitzvah to perform custom-written jokes. In related news, don’t take his wife Liz, puhleeze. He loves her!
He’s up to the mic bat, and he’s flexing some comedy muscle with some jokes about exercise. The crowd response is a little sporadic and scattered, but going first is never the easiest lot. He wouldn’t mind being milked for his potential, and he referenced the comics who went before him last week. Topical! He’s still in his Mid-Life Crisis Scout Troop, and wants you to know there’s merit in knowing your prostates. 1-877-5-KEEP-01 for your number one guy (I’m talking contestant number and show order, note it).
9:07 p.m. And now for the judging! Kindler loves Thymius’s lack of energy (no, really!), not to mention him as a human being. Leggero didn’t get his cowboy joke, and declares him “kind of funny.” Not exactly roaring praise, but maybe just as the comics may be running out of material, the judges are running out of things to say about the comics?
Giraldo concurs with half of what I said. He thinks Thymius may be running out of steam and considers it not his best set, but considers his style harking back to old school comedy. Basically, if the judges had to hold up number scores, they would all be undefined because there is some praise, some criticism, and then a good dose of “I respect what you’re doing.” But we have five more sops to go before I judge the judging any further!
9:13 p.m. Alright, so one comic will be eliminated tonight, leaving us with six. I had no idea what the process was, so thank you for just going ahead and naming it, Mr. Robinson. Roy Wood Jr. is also granted asylum for another week! He mentions his mom as a strong influence on him. She doesn’t think Wood’s normal, but that’s OK. I like all these strong female figures. You know what they say! Behind every male comic is his… shadow? I don’t know what they say.
Roy Wood Jr. is talking about fried chicken, and taking a racial stand on a platform built out of nuggets. He wants a big family because it could lead to free stuff down the road. Hopefully, not just more fertility pills though. Big applause break on the same bit, and then another one on his Craig Robinson impression.
9:17 p.m. Leggero thinks Wood could make anything hilarious, and she loves him. Giraldo agrees that his set was as tight as it could be, and Kindler appreciates his standing up for the white man. Backpats and tummy rubs across the board. 1-877-5-KEEP-02 for his smooth seconds, but keep those button pushers in control until after the show ends (when voting actually starts).
9:23 p.m. Craig Robinson wants to reveal the prize (a quarter of a million smackaroos), and some results while we’re at it! There is a Hawaiian-shirted guy offstage giving some helpful steel drum, conch shell-inspired suspense. Myq Kaplan is joining us for another week! Everyone has this deer-in-the-headlights response when their name is called, as it’s completely startling, I’m sure.
Myq Kaplan is showing us a little music video to help us get to know him. He might hide bodily evidence, but that doesn’t prevent him from being the guy who plays guitar while walking down the street. And now for some jokes!
9:25 p.m. He handily addresses Roy Wood Jr.’s last joke about nuggets, and then talks about reality shows (as incidentally did Wood Jr.) Not sure if this was planned or coincidental (predicting the latter). He is getting a nice series of applause breaks, and he is talking about cellphone pictures and having his body strewn about post-life. And his layered joke about Final Destination! He’s talking so fast, it’s like the Micro Machines guy! Blast from the past, and the joke nails! People’s sets seem a minute tighter. His might have just seemed shorter because he really packs it in.
Giraldo noticed that Kaplan has a lot of applause breaks. Kindler loved it, and sees Kaplan in himself and then buffers it with a bucket of self-deprecation. Leggero thinks if the show was called Last Comedy Writer Standing, Kaplan would definitely win. Oh man, she’s full of ambiguous comments tonight! I need a tone interpreter for that one. 1-877-5-KEEP-03.
9:33 p.m. And we’re down to four comics (three safe, and one to go). Tommy Johnagin is dancing through. He’s from the Midwest and he’ll fry you up some ravioli and tell you all about it. And aw, he shucks too, corn that is!
He had a pregnancy scare not too long ago, well. More like a moving scare. Johnagin is also a fast talker. “Maybe she ate a baby.” Yeah, audience is right! Applause break. He’s talking about kids, and now we’re onto car accidents and things popping. Yeah, the third one’s the twist. 1-877-5-KEEP-04.
9:37 p.m. Kindler compliments Johnagin’s cockiness (props on word choice) and good posture. Ellie May Leggero is all thumbs up for his set, and so is Giraldo, who notes Johnagin has been solid all the way through. Innuend’oh!
9:42 p.m. Robinson is back, showing us the money (or checking rather), and about to announce the next safe contestant. It’s Mike DeStefano! He rides a microphone, has two arms of tats, and is smoking a fat cig. His act is nothing but reality condensed. Oh, but wait a real man isn’t afraid of a mani-pedi or his mother.
He’s onstage now and was on drugs 12 years ago. He’s talking about the ugly side of drugs and how bad stuff is coming so enjoy your youth, and PSAin’t that the truth. Girls are good at talking guys out of love, it seems. Applause break of recognition! Guys need to toughen up, but nothing a little train pushing won’t fix. 1-877-5-KEEP-05.
9:47 p.m. Natasha Leggero thinks DeStefano can win, granted the penitentary vote comes through. Giraldo thinks he’s violently likable, and Kindler wants to do heroin, thanks to DeStefano (his hero in needly armor)! We’ll be back with the final performance after this word from your sponsor (still on the addiction theme here).
9:48 p.m. Uh oh, time to Eat, Pray, and Change the Channel real quick. Julia Roberts, no! Bad!
9:52 p.m. We’re back and down to Rachel Feinstein and Felipe Esparza. ACK. And Esparza makes it through to loud cheering! But let’s commemorate Rachel Feinstein first. She’s going to make the most of this comedy thing, because these are the only skills she has. She’s a charmer. Aw.
9:53 p.m. Felipe Esparza is showing us a clip with his mother. I guess people are garnering for the mother heartwarmer vote here. He also shows us clips from his East LA workout DVD. The audience is showing him some serious love.
He doesn’t like those stereotypes about how Latinos are all hard workers. Big UPS to the brown punchline. Sometimes his son wakes him up too early by pulling some Inception-level strategy on his dreams. Esparza definitely seems to have won the endearment vote from the audience.
9:57 p.m. Giraldo likes how Esparza makes him feels better about his own parenting, and proclaims a solid set. Kindler sees him as Milton Berle who likes to touch himself a lot, but also says great job. Leggero is not sure what he’s saying half the time (eesh), but it’s always funny! 1-877-5-KEEP-06.
9:58 p.m. And here is your soundbite reel, jazzily montaged together. Who are you going to vote into politically incorrect office? It’s all dudes now! Reverend Craig T. Robinson is taking his leave, and I would now urge you to pull out your ballot and head over to your homemade polling booth. Vote online here or use the phone numbers listed above. I think it’s ten votes per contestant. Infiltrate people’s dreams by determining their fates! Do the right thing, whatever you deem that civil liberty to be. Over and out, patriots!