We're funny, too: What if Disney turned to porn to solve its financial woes?

By | September 2, 2010 at 3:12 pm | No comments | Features | Tags:

Editor’s note: Listen, we’re not usually the one’s trying to make you laugh. And, honestly, we’re not going to make a habit out of it because, frankly, we respect comedians too much to try to tread on their ground. But this just had to be done. So, hopefully you get a few laughs out of this; and maybe you’ll forward it along to your friends or tweet it or throw it on Facebook. Maybe. Enjoy!

Graphic magic by KENNETH COOKE

Yo Disney,

Mickey Mouse isn’t the cash cow he used to be (precipitating whopping hikes in admission prices at Disney World and Disneyland). Sniff, sniff: Sorry to hear about your loss (of nearly $270 million in royalties from “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire,” the result of a jury finding Walt Disney Co. guilty of “Hollywood accounting.” Bravo! It appears Disney bookkeepers are just as creative as Disney animators. Imagine that.).

OK, Toy Story 3 has gone to “infinity and beyond” at the box office (earning more than $1 billion worldwide), but the Magic Kingdom needs more than caulking to repair its many cracks. We say plug the revenue leaks with bales o’ cash instead. We suggest opening Magic Condom Productions and reissuing adult versions of your classic children’s films, beginning with…


About the Author

John Delery

John Delery has written thousands of articles and millions of words in his career, and still he has professional goals: He wants "Be honest with me, Doc: Will I ever tweet again?" to someday supplant "Take my wife...please" as the Great American punch line.