Funniest Bin Laden tweets from last night; Ted Alexandro wins Twitter

By | May 2, 2011 at 9:29 am | 33 comments | News, Opinion | Tags:

TwitterAs you all know, President Barack Obama announced last night that a U.S. agent has killed Osama Bin Laden.

While some people were out celebrating in the streets, stand-up comedians were coming up with the perfect tweet. Here are our favorites from the night:

@NateBargatze: It is pretty awkward in my cab right now.

@DaneCook: BIN LADEN KILLED 3519 DAYS AFTER 9/11! I WON! I GUESSED 3519 EXACTLY!

@AmySchumer: This is the best death since my grandma.

@SklarBrothers: Osama Bin Laden is dead. But, like Tupac, I’m guessing he’s got a few more tapes to release.

@DanSoder: Turns out he died in a mansion in Pakistan. So he went out like the Scarface of the Middle East.

@kbeninato: So apparently the Navy Seals got Osama Bin Laden while his compound was distracted by something. #OperationRoyalWedding

@birbigs: I’m not saying Fox News is downplaying this but Greta Van Susteren is playing rock, paper, scissors with Neil Cavuto.

@DonaldGlover: Best part of twitter when things like this happen are people who don’t know it happened yet and tweet “so crazy at the club right now!”shit.

@PattonOswalt: No matter how collected Obama is during his speech, he’s hearing LL Cool J’s “Mama Said Knock You Out” blasting in his head.

But the MVP of the evening was clearly @TedAlexandro.

-Bin Laden’s body is in U.S. custody. Why not call Jeff Dunham and have some fun with this?

-Just goes to show, if you fuck with the U.S.A. we will find you and kill you within approximately ten years time.

-It would have been pimp if Obama produced his birth certificate and Bin Laden’s death certificate on the same day. “Here ya go, bitches!!!”

And my favorite: “Biggest shocker? Bin Laden: organ donor.”

Keep an eye out for more Osama jokes as I am sure it will be Trending for the rest of the week. But for some people, life will go on as usual. Just look at @ParisHilton at 12:45 am after the announcement: “Back in LA. Can’t wait to get home to my pets. I miss my babies.”

About the Author

Billy Procida

Billy is a stand-up comedian in New York City. Every week he sits down with former lovers and special guests to talk about sex, dating, sexuality & gender on The Manwhore Podcast: A Sex-Positive Quest for Love. Follow Billy on Twitter: @TheBillyProcida

  • http://www.wemakethefunny.com Adam

    Some from troupe member @RobAsaroShow

    - Just when people were starting to accept poor Roy Bin Laden of Ann Arbor Michigan’s unfortunate surname,it’s back in the public consciousness

    - Now who will sit next to Kim Jong Il at the next axis of evil Xmas party?

    - It really makes you think, if America’s Most Wanted Terrorist with Kidney Failure can die, then I guess any of us can go…….

    -Glad he’s dead, but, now I have no where to stay when I go to Pakistan.

    -I thought they’d catch him back in 2001, then again I never thought Grey’s Anatomy would catch on so what do I know?

  • stan sirgutz

    gilbert godfried is so hillariousAFLAC!!!

  • Glenn Sheeley

    Apparently no truth to rumor that as the attack happened, bin Laden was in his compound watching a rerun of ‘Undercover Boss.’

  • http://www.thelaughgarage.com Juls

    oooh i missed that one from Gilbert, that’s fuckin genius

  • Robert L. I.

    Forgot to mention @anthonyjeselnik: It would be pretty funny if Osama came back in three days.

    All of Anthony’s tweets are gold. Anthony needs more recognition he’s brilliant. Man crush here. Ahg! Now I must go bathe.

  • Robert L. I.

    Many show suprise that OBL did not live in cave. My reply: He lived in a mansion with a cave motif!

    Many comments last night saying they don’t believe OBL is dead, and want proof.
    Many replied as well as I: Would a “Long Form” death certificate suffice?

    I’ll be performing tonight and most every night at Twitter Bar and Grill…@movonup

  • Dave Sveen

    This dude is the most under rated tweeter… “The only way the Secret Ops assassination of Osama Bin Laden could have been any better, is if they showed up in the Good Year Blimp.” – @nickspears

  • Shamus O’Roarke

    From the most under rated tweeter… “The only way the Secret Ops assassination of Usama Bin Laden could have been any better, is if they showed up in the Good Year Blimp.” – @nickspears

  • Chris

    Via @nickspears… Got a great parking spot this morning. My dead Osama foot is already bringing me good luck.

  • Gonzo Walls

    My personal favorite was from John Fugelsang @JohnFugelsang:

    “Wait… I don’t get 72 Virgins? What do you mean, it’s 72 guys and I’m the Virgin?” – Bin Laden

  • Tom Hanafee

    I think we have a new winner. Gilbert Gottfried @RealGilbert nailed it!

    I refuse to say anything that might seem insensitive about #Osama Bin Laden’s death so let me say my thoughts & prayers are with Al-Qaeda

    Genius!

  • http://osamabinladen.com/ Maggie May

    From my fav tweeter… “SHOW YER TITS! SHOW YER TITS!” – Joe Biden yelling from the White House balcony – @nickspears

  • Sam

    FROM @NICKSPEARS: The only way the Secret Ops assassination of Osama Bin Laden could have been any better, is if they showed up in the Good Year Blimp.

  • http://www.magicmikeLA.com Mike

    RT @_itsmagic: His only misstep in 10 years- checking into that mansion party on Foursquare.

  • Alex White

    At last we can resume our search for Carmen San Diego.

  • Brandon

    @jessevannoy Did I just hear that right, they found Jimmy Hoffa’s body in the back of Bin Laden’s piece of shit 1975 Toyota Land Cruiser #jimmyhoffa #osamabinladen

  • http://www.ekimnamwen.com ekim namwen

    BREAKING NEWS: an elite navy seals team just captured and killed bigfoot. unfortunately, due to bigfoot religious traditions they dumped his body into an active volcano. even worse, they forgot to take pictures of it for proof. you’re just gonna have to take the government’s word for it.

  • Nate

    via @NICKSPEARS : The only way the Secret Ops assassination of Osama Bin Laden could have been any better, is if they showed up in the Good Year Blimp.

  • Harvey mckinnon

    @RNixonZombie Breaking- Was #BinLaden killed by ferret on Donald Trump’s head?

  • Harvey mckinnon

    #RNixonZombie Osama’s last wish: to live to see Donald #Trump become President, and single-handedly destroy the US

  • Kate

    @nickspears RT “SHOW YER TITS! SHOW YER TITS!” – Joe Biden yelling from the White House balcony

  • Stefan Bennett

    Bin Laden Killed when he trips over IV trying to get last slice of Pizza

  • Tom Hanafee

    @TheObsoleteMan Poor Seth Meyers just got fucked over. Who’s going to be talking about the White House Correspondent’s Dinner now?

    @TheObsoleteMan Many have made the same joke about Trump wanting to see Osama’s death certificate.Me? I want Trump to personally go inspect the body.

  • Kickass

    @RiggCarrera said “Osama finally got his 72 sturgeons” after the burial at sea info got out. I laughed for a good 10 minutes.

  • Gary Lee

    Bin Laden is dead and our nation is forever indebted to The Brave Colonel Mustard and his trusty Candlestick.

  • Not John Knight

    @knightcomedy certainly brought the funny.

    #shameless

  • Gary Lee

    RT @BinLaden: We need another Fast & Furious” movie like I need a whole in my head.

  • Gary Lee

    Right about now Bin Laden is being greeted by 72 fat dudes in “Babylon 5″ t-shirts.

  • http://www.rickbaldwin.com Rick Baldwin

    Somewhere some GOP strategist is referring to the killing of bin Laden as “an abortion in the 216th trimester.”

  • Bob Crain

    @adam_cozens – What is this I’m hearing about Oksana Baiul dying?

  • http://youtube.com/Lawsoncomedy Lawson

    Ted Alexandro rules. Bargatze’s was fucking great though too.

  • http://twitter.com/_KennyVee_ Kenny Vee

    Best tweet of the night was @SteveMartinToGo: Slow news day.

  • http://www.thelaughgarage.com Juls

    Jim Short just started on Twitter & he’s been spinning some gold too! timing is everything… twitter.com/jimmeshelter

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