Annnnnd…we’re back! The gang has mostly doffed the spaghetti-Western motif (thanks, recap-part-1 commenters!), and we’re back to plain ol’ regular paintball assassin at Greendale.
With the newfound knowledge that Sawyer was a plant (“it doesn’t make sense—why would someone who gets paid to do things be at Greendale?”), the gang tries to figure out what’s going on. Enter the storm troopers—and their ice cream queen.
Curses! It’s Dean Sprech, from highfalutin rival City College. The whole paintball game was a ruse created to provoke the Greendale students into destroying their own campus. (All the dean-on-dean sexual tension is only an incidental bonus.)
Abed and Troy make a narrow escape and…cut to a Star Wars–inspired scrolling-words thingy. Look, I wanna be straight right now to avoid a commenter revolt (GEORGE): I saw Star Wars like…once. When I was like…4. But I’m a huge fan of Spaceballs, which is practically the same, right? Sweet! (Seriously, what’s a girl got to do to get a Kate & Allie homage, or maybe a Daria-inflected episode. I would knock your socks off with one of those, you guys).
Until then, bear with me and hope that my awesomeness distracts from the fact that I sometimes get Star Wars confused with Star Trek.) Let’s not draw this out: Pierce has been kicked out of the study group. Onward.
Back at base, Troy breaks the news that the unstoppable juggleknob known as City College has invaded. If Greendale’s going to stand a chance, they have to give up the lone gunman thing and unite (i.e. move from Western to Star Wars). Britta dislikes this because, well, she dislikes everything. Magnitude’s not so keen on the idea either, as he’s a one-man party. Paradox the hobo thinks the opposite of everything.
Jeff is where he always is at the beginning of episodes: Out of hero mode and back in his rightful place as Indifferent BlackBerry Guy. City’s already won, he says: They wanted Greendalers to trash their campus, and they did. (Give him time: He only reluctantly accepts the office of leader when it’s thrust upon him. So…in about 16 minutes, give or take.) But Troy’s not satisfied: He wants to hit City in its financial choad. To the chagrin of the chagroup, his idea is to use the $100k in winnings to repair the school. (Even Goody Two–shoes Annie gives this the thumbs-down, but she’s probably just grumpy from all that running around in slo-mo with tatas akimbo.)
An unmanned paintball drone enters, and Magnitude the one-man party takes one for the team, selflessly jumping on it without thinking twice. He is immediately reduced to one pop. (Sad.) So City’s gonna play it dirty, are they, sending in paint by remote, registering their students at Greendale to make the eligible for the game—looks like we’re not gonna have to wait 16 minutes for our hero to swoop in after all, because if there’s one thing Jeff Winger hates, it’s a cheat. (Is that even true? Season-one Winger would have definitely cheated, but recently he’s gotten pretty honorable, don’t you think?) No surprise here, Pierce is going to play for City, I’m guessing only to Benedict Arnold them later (or insert a more relevant Star Wars turncoat reference) and fall back in line with the study group, but we’ll have to wait and see.
Wingerlogue: He’s on board with the whole defeating-City-College thing and with being leader. And it’s a good thing: Those City Collegians are arrogant jerks. They’ve already hoisted their flag and toppled the Luis Guzmán statue (oh no they dih-n’t!). Annie, Abed and Shirley take out a couple of storm troopers and stumble on a cache of paint, and…yes! Abed finally gets some. Even Annie’s lady parts go to jelly when our meta-man is channeling Harrison Ford.
Back at base, there’s dissent in the ranks: Jeff wants to storm the ice cream truck and overtake City’s greatest weapon. Troy wants to lure the bad guys to the library, rig the fire alarms and shower them with paint. (Team Troy.) Annie (Leia?) is back on top, where she rightfully belongs based on last week’s bad-ass-ness: Her vote is to split the troops in half and execute both plans. Done.
Back at enemy HQ, Dean Sprech is playing Pierce all wrong, insulting him (which will no doubt backfire, forcing the double-crosser scheme I predicted earlier). Next.
Troy and Annie take out some troopers with Operation Troy’s Awesome Plan, leaving Squad B free to kick some taint. Team Troy barricades itself in the study lounge with a plan to escape through Annie’s Boobs’ vent, only…Garrett’s too fat and gets stuck. (Side note: This show employs a lot of not-classically-employable actors. You go, Community!) Major gun battles on both fronts. Oops, Jeff’s out. (Unexpected!) Quendra!!! Vicki!!! It’s a tangential-character bloodbath! There goes Troy. Mark my words, this one’s gonna come down to the ladies, people.
ABED AND ANNIE KISSING!!!!!
Shirley pulls the alarm—she’s a mom, she’s got real strength—and takes out a ton of those mothereffing storm troopers. Gorgeous!!! It’s like You Can’t Do That on Television but with lots of colors. (If you understood that reference, congratulations, you’ve made it to middle age.)
THEY ARE STILL KISSING! LIKE, A LOT!!!
Pierce fakes another heart attack (zzzz), Leonard takes out some troopers and Britta’s suddenly on her own. It’s time for Britta to have some glory, don’t you think? She almost gets it, too, when Shirley rescues her and the two go all Thelma and Louise in the Public Safety cart. Girl power! Shirley’s the last (wo)man standing—almost. It’s actually Pierce who gets Greendale its money, by—JUST AS I PREDICTED, GEORGE—going all Star Wars Mata Hari on those storm trooper’s asses.
Cougar Town cameos!!! (So cute. But I’m more excited to watch reversies.)
The City College flag is taken down, the study table is turned over and all is right in the world. The only thing left to do is pick a new class. (I love that we’re at a point where it’s just a given that the group will stay together. Only a year ago, their fate as a team wasn’t so secure.) In the ultimate hero move, Jeff defers to Troy…who wants to sleep on it. (Cliffhanger!) Pierce is the one who gets the self-discovery monologue this time: He’s been going to Greendale for 12 years and never made any real friends. And guess what: That includes these guys. He’s done with them. And you know what? I believe him. At least for now. He sounded different than usual, less like he was trying to convince them of a lie than actually speaking the truth. (Nice character complexity, Chevy Chase!) A Pierce-less study group: Is that what the future holds?
We’ll have to wait until the fall to find out, because that’s all she wrote. (Wait! The janitor! Yes! Poor janitor.) How are you planning to get through the long Community-less summer? I’ve started watching Happy Endings, which is surprisingly adorable and smart. (Maybe not so surprising: The Russo brothers—a.k.a. two of the twisted minds behind Community—are executive producers.) And I’m also going to go out more. Into the world. Away from my comfy chair. I AM.
It’s been real, you guys. Perhaps I’ll catch you for another recap soon. Have a wonderful comedy-filled summer. I’ll see you in what I’m guessing will be Professor Duncan’s Intro to Woman’s Studies class. (Feel free to tally the 14,000 Star Wars references I missed in the comments.)