Parks and Recreation went down last night in two parts and in the first episode, everybody got bombed on Snake Juice, had cry-fights, and redefined the term “hangover.” And that Snake Juice sure has a dope aftertaste. And it’s 140 proof and features caffeine. Bottoms up!
Intrepid entrepreneur in the bombdiggity business Tom Haverford needs all ya’ll at the Snakehole tonight to guerilla market the hell out of his new concoction: a “Kaluha-style” liqueur called Snake Juice. Who’s in? No one but Andy responds enthusiastically (he and April are going to use this opportunity to zest up their nascent marriage with some role-playing), even as they are faced with the spectre of being placed on Tom’s “done-zo list.”
The “cast” (including Ron Swanson as Bryant Thunder and Jerry as Jerry) reluctantly reads their parts from the script Tom has prepared. Ron’s struggling the most–both with the lines written in Tom-ese, and with the fact that he’s endorsing a product other than the ones he uses exclusively like the US Army-issued mustache trimmer and Morton’s salt.
Ann and Leslie perch on an indoor park bench and break it down about dudes Their conversation is cut short as Leslie bolts after challenging passerby Ben to a race to their meeting with Chris. Ann is left in their glittery flirtation dust, open-mouthed and mildly insulted. Chris needs Ben and Leslie to nominate candidates for the recently-vacated position of PR Director for Pawnee Department of Health. Leslie nominates Ann, then, immediately following the meeting, runs directly to the hospital to tell her bestie the good news. And that her interview is at 9 AM the next day.
And that she just needs to familiarize herself with every health policy ever passed in the history of Pawnee. And that she’ll need to finish Jonathan Franzen’s Freedom because Leslie’s almost done and she really wants to talk to Ann about Patty.
But later at the Snakehole, Leslie, after inspiring Jean-Ralphio to spit some freestyle rhyme in her direction spies Ann grinding with a guy on the dance floor. Wha?! She’s supposed to be home cramming! After a bit of passive-aggressive interrogation, Leslie catches on that Ann may not be as excited about the interview as she is. The besties, on the brink of a spat, are rudely interrupted by Ann’s new friend, Howard Tuttleman, aka, The Douche, of morning radio show (Crazy Ira and The Douche) fame, asking if there’s any room for some man-nnaise in their lady sandwich. Cue a shot of Snake Juice.
April, dressed like Mrs. White from Clue, is approached by a handsome FBI agent (it’s Andy! wink, wink!) and they discuss their sordid pasts. Ron sips some Snake Juice and likes it enough to begin shamelessly and aggressively proffering snifters of Snake Juice it to Snakehole patrons. At this point we are treated to another brilliant Tom Haverford montage of “investment” ideas. (I hope they become a staple, because they are truly inspired.)
Ann and The Douche regale Leslie with the tale of their first meeting, in the supermarket. She apparently couldn’t resist his lady-slaying line: “If you’re looking for douches they’re in aisle me.” Leslie, completely over it, anger bubbling to the surface of her glass of Snake Juice, disparages The Douche right to his nozzle. Ann starts to percolate, asking Leslie if she’s mad, which she denies.
The two proceed to get into a slurred “no-offense”-off until Ann grabs The Douche to dance and Leslie leaps to her feet and wobblingly begs Ben to dance with her. He says no, claiming she’s drunk, which prompts Leslie to turn to Jean-Ralphio and slur out one plaintive request: “Dance up on me.” Of course, he’s happy to oblige. He doesn’t care if she’s had too much Snork Juice.
Ann and Leslie are officially having their first fight. They take it to the dance floor, then to the ladies’ room. Ann implores Leslie to stop doing her favors. Leslie is truly heartbroken when she croaks out, “Maybe we shouldn’t work together.” End fight.
Buzzkill Chris shows up at the Snakehole just to tell Tom that he has to sell the shares in the Snakehole because he used government computers to get them to come get wasted at a club. Then he chats with Donna about her cleanse, and they discuss how it’s lucky they are “alert” because Snake Juice is basically rat poison. Cut to another stratospherically hilarious montage of drunken Parks Department employees. I’ll let it speak for itself:
The next day dawns on the sorriest bunch of hung over people who have ever lived. Except Ron, who cheerfully passes out hangover helper hamburgers because “the protein soaks up the sugar.” Leslie and Ben struggle through the PR Director interviews. In between candidates, Leslie sadly talks to Ben about her fight with Ann. She thinks she owes her an apology. April is still in character, and Andy crankily shines Kyle’s shoes (so that’s Kyle!). Donna and Jean-Ralphio console Tom, who is bummed that his use of government connections has cost him his stake in the Snakehole. Turn that frizown upside-diggity, Tom!
Ben, doing Leslie a secret solid, goes to visit a dangerously hung over Ann, who is wearing snow pants and chugging Arizona iced tea. Ann, in her compromised state, spills the beans that Leslie likes him. Ben bursts into smile. Just ask her to prom, already, Ben.
Ann surprises even herself and shows up to her scheduled interview. True, her sweater is on backwards and inside out, but she’s there! She and Leslie proceed to make up via interview, and seal the bond of re-friendship with a joint trip to the trash basket into which they both plan to vomit. Awww.