On The Office‘s second episode of its eighth season — titled “The Incentive” — we find new boss Andy Bernard in his first real managerial predicament: he needs to somehow double sales or risk feeling the creepy wrath of CEO Robert California. By the end of the episode, we have a complete story about redemption, honor and friendship. But how did we get there? Here’s a list of some things we learned during the episode. You’re welcome.
We learn that Dunder Mifflin’s parent company Sabre is in the tablet-making business. But it’s nothing like the new Kindle Fire or the Samsung Galaxy. Nope. This ons is shaped like a triangle and weighs in at a hefty three pounds. By means of comparison, the iPad weighs 1.33 pounds.
Kevin has vague dreams of becoming president of the United States, we learn. And chances are, part of his platform will include the concept of talking like a caveman in order to save time. “Less words. Save time. More success,” he says. You get the point.
By Andy’s orders, we learn that Erin is to call Darryl “D-Dogg.”
Despite delivering some pretty harsh words about her in the past, we learn Darryl is banging his ex-wife again. In fact, they’re banging so well, Darryl complains he can barely walk the next day at work.
We learn that Andy has some serious Daddy issues. How do we know? He calls the new CEO, Robert California, “Dad” in a moment of panic. Nice.
We learn, sad as it is, it seems Stanley has stopped using the new catch phrase, “Shove it up your butt” he introduced during the season premiere. We can only hope it comes back on episode three.
We learn that Robert California’s favorite ice cream is not vanilla.
We learn that Andy will drink a cup of old, cold, festering coffee just to please Robert California.
We learn who the first person to stand up to Robert California is. It’s Kevin.
Speaking of Kevin, we learn that he does not like walnuts in his brownies.
We learn that pregnant Angela calls social services on more-pregnant Pam. Why? Because you’re not supposed to drink caffeine whilst knocked up and Pam’s been sipping herbal tea in the office.
We learn that Robert California wants Andy to make his team double profits. And we learn that Andy will make asinine incentive-based promises to make it happen. The most asinine? For 5,000 incentive points, he’ll allow the staff to tattoo anything on his rump. Below, is a deleted scene, wherein Erin tries to help Andy come up with some additional ideas.
Because Andy insists he’s serious about his incentive plan, we learn that the Dunder Mifflin staff can double their profits in one day. We also learn that Phyllis’ tattoo design suggestion – a baby coming out of Andy’s butt – wins the staff’s vote.
Finally and most importantly, we learn that Andy – while oftentimes clueless – is a bad motherfucker who is true to his word and will do anything to please his staff. Yep, he drops his pants (unnecessarily), dives onto the tattoo table and agrees to have that horrible tat forever inked on his ass. Before it happens, however, Pam hands the artist a slightly updated design. We can’t see it. In the end, Andy – that’s Andy Bernard – ends up with a cartoon dog on his ass emblazoned with the word NARD DOG— the nickname Andy had given himself long ago.
So what things did you learn? What were your favorite scenes? Was there anything you hated? Sound off in the comments section!