Leslie Knope is pro 118 things for Pawnee: here’s the complete list

By | January 20, 2012 at 6:47 pm | 15 comments | feature slider, TV/Movies | Tags: , , ,

Last night on Parks and Recreation, Leslie Knope’s run for city council heated up, as viewers met her opponent — Bobby Newport (played by Paul Rudd) — for the first time. Perhaps even more importantly, each candidate launched their first round of political television adds. Actually, we should reword that: Newport, with his rich family (and tremendous amount of free time), has unlimited funds and already produced a handful of spots, while Leslie’s campaign — headed up by boyfriend Ben — had just enough dough for one. And they squandered all their bucks when Leslie decided to stop the airing of the Ben-produced attack ad. So, to the Internet they went with a revised, Leslie-approved ad.

But before Team Knope were forced to launch their viral version of a political ad, Leslie made her own, ultra-positive one. It was adorable and fun, but it lacked the teeth Ben thought it needed. But by the end of the episode, it was still the ad that stood out– to us, anyway. In the commercial, Leslie talks about a few things she’s “pro,” as in “I’m pro-environmental regulations.” But then she tosses to a rolling list of her other “pro” stances. The humor, of course, was in how long the list went on. But since we’re complete nerds, we wanted to know exactly what Leslie stands for. So we watched the commercial, like, a million times and typed out every last item on the list; there are 118. The list is below the ad. You are so welcome.

More dog parks
Senior citizens rights
Safe streets
Safe sidewalks
Better schools
Lower taxes
Better parks
Better business climate
Better Better Business Bureau
Cleaner streets
Improve greenways
More snow plows
Protecting Pawneeans
Improving tourism
More trash cans
Energy-efficient street lights
Westside Detoxification and Revitalization Project
Repaving Grand Avenue
More teachers
Fewer libraries
Improve intergovernmental agency communication
Clean-up Barefoot Lake
Passing Pawnee Jobs Bill P-129.4
Playgrounds in every park
Playgrounds in every schoolyard
Playgrounds in ever residential block
Clean energy
One police officer for every 5 citzens
One park ranger for every 10,000 racoons
Resodding Hilltop Cemetary
Start talking to Cuba again
Emergency Evacuation Drills
Plow For Charity
Forming an Ad Hoc Sub-Committee Oversight Committee
Challenging the norm
Pawnee Corn Subsidies
Finally Passing PR-61, formally recognizing South Korea
Official peace treaty with the Wamapoke Tribe
Four-way stops at every intersection
Unionizing ice cream trucks
Get Europe out of debt
Free trade with Illinios
Enact RRP – Raccoon Relocation Project
Pawnee Community College tuition in exchange for 4 years of public service
Doubling Pawnee Hospital’s emergency room nurse staff
Legalize Korean
Lower the obesity level
Stop global terrorism
Re-open the toucan exhibit at Pawnee Zoo
Find Gabe the Toucan
More community gardens
Ordinance 11F: To Re-pave City Sidewalks
Budget Reform
Updated Technologies For Local Schools
Better retirement benefits for city employees
Edward Phillips Senior Center Remodeling
Speed bumps in front of elementary schools
Unemployment benefits
Re-instating the Main St. Farmers Market
No turtles as pets
New uniforms for youth sports programs
Free Public Wi-Fi
Updated childcare facilities
Shutting down the Child Left Behind program
Handicap parking placards for the obese
FREE PARKING EVERYWHERE
Cleaner drinking water
Regulate heights of trampolines
Memorial for those lost in the trampoline “incident”
Control the floods
Funding for public art commission
Fencing in correctional facilities
New police patrol cars
Funding overtime hours for police
Rebuilding the PTA
Prosecuting former PTA president Linda Tritle
Profitable government organizations
Shutting down underground shooting ranges
Making sure city contracts employ local workers
Providing more economic development grants and micro-loans to small businesses
Foster partnerships with sister cities
More buses to speed up morning commutes
More streets to accommodate additional busses
Require all city employees check and respond to email
Working sewers
More parades
Grants for scientists to discover new forms of energy
Leave a lasting impression on all visitors
Challenge the norm
Finish the statue of Burt Bacharach
No more conflict diamonds
Bulletproof glass everywhere
Free cookies at every street corner
One school for every student
Require flattering mirrors in public restrooms
Develop a municipal composting operation
Enforce existing speeding and noise ordinances
Upgrade existing parks
Create an ant-graffiti, youth outreach program
Free cake when it’s your birthday
Reevaluate NAFTA
Rickshaw Wednesdays
Making it illegal to refuse a hug
Make downtown more people-friendly
Sell candy in government buildings to pay down the debt
Get Pawnee a licensed pharmacy
Better screening processes at local adoption agencies
Finding homes for the adopted children of Day Labor Corp.
Prop 6A: To Recognize All Five Food Groups
Replacing all glass with plastic at Pawnee Psychiatric Clinic
Curfew for minors at The Pawnee Mall
Stop paying Sweetums the so-called “thank you for being here” tax
Mini-golf renovations
Subsidizing educational and eco-friendly businesses
Removing Zorp from all written laws
Reducing Federal Government Experiments in town to 10 per year
Ordinance 8R: A Ghost Cannot Own/Inherit A Farm

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Laughspin Staff

Oh, hey. We're the entire writing staff at Laughspin. We wrote the above article all together-- using one finger each.

  • Leslie Knope

    If you don’t get the libraries one, you’ve never seen Parks & Rec and I have to wonder why you’re even reading this list. 

  • Me

    Fewer libraries because the Parks Department hates the librarians.  One is Ron’s ex-wife Tammy.  Remember?

  • Me

    Fewer libraries because the Parks Department hates the librarians.  One is Ron’s ex-wife Tammy.  Remember?

  • ElTigre

    @1a5df3933def262140f1107e8b5d0058:disqus I know! I was all for abolishing No Child Left Behind, but fewer libraries? Wha- why? Ruined the whole thing. Now I shall go screaming and weeping into the night.

  • ElTigre

    @1a5df3933def262140f1107e8b5d0058:disqus I know! I was all for abolishing No Child Left Behind, but fewer libraries? Wha- why? Ruined the whole thing. Now I shall go screaming and weeping into the night.

  • ElTigre

    @1a5df3933def262140f1107e8b5d0058:disqus I know! I was all for abolishing No Child Left Behind, but fewer libraries? Wha- why? Ruined the whole thing. Now I shall go screaming and weeping into the night.

  • HamburgerHelper

    There seem to be more here: http://knope2012.com/issues/

  • Buster Brown

    Fewer libraries?  I will NEVER vote for Leslie Knope.

    Where is Leslie’s tax returns?  (We already saw her birth certificate last season.)

  • Buster Brown

    Fewer libraries?  I will NEVER vote for Leslie Knope.

    Where is Leslie’s tax returns?  (We already saw her birth certificate last season.)

  • Buster Brown

    Fewer libraries?  I will NEVER vote for Leslie Knope.

    Where is Leslie’s tax returns?  (We already saw her birth certificate last season.)

  • Buster Brown

    Fewer libraries?  I will NEVER vote for Leslie Knope.

    Where is Leslie’s tax returns?  (We already saw her birth certificate last season.)

  • Buster Brown

    Fewer libraries?  I will NEVER vote for Leslie Knope.

    Where is Leslie’s tax returns?  (We already saw her birth certificate last season.)

  • Gjmanning

    Thanks! Loved the Zorp callback.

  • Gjmanning

    Thanks! Loved the Zorp callback.

  • Gjmanning

    Thanks! Loved the Zorp callback.