Hey, remember that time when the motion picture academy announced that none other than comedy icon Eddie Murphy was set to host this year’s Oscars? But then Murphy’s buddy, director Brett Ratner — who was set to produce the Oscars — said a bunch of absurd shit on television and radio shows and during a press conference and as a result got in trouble and decided to step down from his post; and then Eddie followed? Yeah, that sucked.
True comedy fans, the ones who believed that maybe this hosting gig would be a time for Murphy to prove he hadn’t lost all his edge making critically panned family friendly fare, had lost a chance to see how Eddie would handle the glitziest of all glitzy awards shows. But because of one enterprising scribe, we get to peak inside what might have been. In “Eddie Murphy’s Lost Oscar Host Notes,” Matt Sullivan imagines that Murphy would have entered the theater in his former trademark red leather suit to a medley of “Axel F,” (the instrumental theme running through the Beverly Hills Cop movies) and “Party All The Time” (Murphy’s failed foray into pop music).
And Sullivan lays out other imagined notes:
Digitally insert me—as The Klump family—into The Artist.
Subtitle: “Black and white just got blacker.” Rip farts. Silent but deadly!
Put Donkey from Shrek into footage from War Horse.
Donkey: Run into Nazi territory? Aw, hell naw! Do I look like a dumb horse? I’m a donkey, honky!