When we left off last week, change was afoot at Greendale. Jeff was humbled, there was trubs betwixt BFFs Abed and Troy, and Chang had recruited an army of only-just men. Let’s see how the gang is doing this week, shall we?
In the cafetorium, the dean presides over the ribbon-chewing ceremony in honor of Greendale’s just-opened Subway. (And re: their willingness to place product on the best underdog show around, props to Subway. Their $5 Footlong™ deal really can’t be beat. I mean, it’s $5! For a footlong!!!*)
Except for…we hate Subway, because they stole away Shirley’s (and Pierce’s) sandwich dreams. Troy, Abed and Annie can relate—they’re all homeless while their building tents for termites. (Yes, that segue was as tenuous as it seems. THEY’RE ALL DISPLACED. There .) Annie’s going to squat (and scream) in the sleep-study lounge, and Abed and Troy are going to make a pillow fort on campus. (This is not to be confused with a blanket fort, which der, they have obviously already done.) (Also? Squeeeee! The blanket-fort episode is one of the best ever!!!)
And…loophole! In an effort to reclaim their rightful place as sandwich peddlers in the caf, Pierce has discovered a by-law that states a Greendale student must own 51% of any on-campus business. Hurrah! Except…reverse loophole! Who’s this kind of dreamy Nordic student dressed like he works at Blockbuster circa my senior year of high school? Oh, that’s just Subway, Greendale student and purveyor of BMTs. (Can someone tell me what a BMT is? I worked that in there just to ask. Whenever I go to Subway I wonder about it. It sounds like a disgusting sex act and/or the name a newspaper gives to a serial killer. Much obliged.) Turns out Subway (the guy) has corpo-humanized himself in order to take control of Subway (the resto). Ya dig?
Hey! They have lockers! And in Jeff’s? Gobs of fliers (so much dancing!) and…what’s this? A hate note. Turns out Jeff is kind of an inconsiderate jerk. (Guess he’s already forgotten about that time he ended up half naked on the side of the road and White Michael Jackson saved him.)
Corporate espionage! Shirley and Pierce want Britta to use her feminine wiles (i.e. slutty sluttishness) to get some dirt on Subway. Britta is aggrieved in that way that makes me *pretty* sure she’ll be rocking a miniskirt, heels and possibly a side pony any minute. Stay tuned!
Meanwhile, the pillow fort is looking every bit as rad as Trabed promised. And what’s this? The dean happened to be Googling Guinness records for longest…erm…stuff, and turns out there’s an award up for grabs for longest pillow or blanket fort! Uh-oh, rift. Troy is down with the blankets—it’ll be easier to win. Abed’s more interested in the pillows—they look cool, and who needs an award? I cannot take any more conflict between these two, Community writers. I just CAN’T. (I also cannot take Dan Connor with a French braid, but you can’t always get what you want, because there he is.)
The perpetual devil on Troy’s shoulder pops up at the least opportune moments, doesn’t he? Laybourne still wants Troy, and he’s willing to pluck at Troy’s insecurities to get him. See, Troy’s just the sidekick, the zero-gravity martial arts specialist, if you will. He never gets to blow the whistle. And damn it, Troy wants to blow.
Jeff, who is just the *teensiest* bit self-centered, is on a mission to find out why Kim, the hate-note writer, hates him so very much. But uh-oh, Kim’s dead. (I’m suspicious. I can’t help thinking of the twisty-turnies in the original blanket-fort episode—that’s when we met Professor Professorsen, after all—but that’s all I got. I’m already a glass of wine in and can’t come up with anything more sophisticated than that. But something is up, you guys. Something.)
Uh-oh, Subway’s evil magic is working on Britta. He really is so sexy/creepy.
Abed and Troy go their separate fort-y ways (heartbreaking) and Jeff feels sorry for himself because Kim died thinking he was a dick. (Remember when you couldn’t say “dick” in prime time? When did you start being able to? My money’s on sometime shortly after we saw Andy Sipowicz’s ass. If you had to Google Sipowicz just now, again, I am 80.)
Ruh-roh: lipstick recorder.
Also, impasse!!! The pillow fort is literally in the way of the blanket fort, figuratively standing in the way of its Guinness dreams. Troy’s gone mercenary. Abed caves and orders his own fort’s destruction. (Cue the saddest “pop pop” you’ve ever heard.)
Pillow-fort makeout! No wait, pillow-fort dirty, dirty sex. Go, Britta.
Jeff apologizes to Kim’s locker. Aja! Kim is the dude who told them Kim was dead! And Annie’s pissed because she’s spent pretty much the whole episode talking in code to Jeff about how he never acknowledges that they made out and yadda yadda yadda.
What the what? Vice Dean Laybourne in a red onesie! (He’s still going through a thing.) His pep talk for Troy backfired—sort of. Does Troy have an uncanny gift when it comes to air conditioning repair? Yes. But Abed is the one who didn’t buckle under the pressure to meet the guy with those gnarly fingernails. (He’s pretentious anyway.) He is committed to quality, and guess what—the vice dean noticed. But what’s he playing at?
The bread is stale! After some getting Brittaed but good in the pillow fort (even by San Francisco standards), Subway’s out. Now he’s just regular old Rick and Subway is a less dreamy, more creepy sort of Christian-seeming version of himself who kisses Britta on the forehead. Ew.
Super-ginormo study lounge! Pillow fight! And also sheet fight! Leonard! Quendra! Starburns! Jeff’s still texting! What hath ye wrought, Trabed? What hath ye wrought???
To be continued! (Gah!)
What is to become of Troy and Abed? I’m taking it in stride—a little tension always helps. (Like how we all hated when Pam and Jim were apart—I’m making an Office reference now—but ultimately we kind of loved it because when they got back together it was even better. Like how when you’re asleep and you get woken up—I’m making a second unrelated reference now—as long as you have hours more to snooze before your alarm goes off, you sort of like it, too, because it feels so, so delish to fall back to sleep. Ok, I’m done with the references. What’s that thing they said when I was in writing school? Never use just one pointless example when you can just as easily use two? That sounds right.)
Also, I feel like this episode was chock full of winkies I may have missed. (Like that RIP Hot & Brown sign in the caf. Seems vaguely familiar, but I can’t remember why. Help?) What else did I miss? Fill me in in the comments.
Meantime, eat fresh, mofos!
*This post sponsored in part by Subway.
Watch the entire episode below!