Best friends, best friends making a cake! THANK GOD!!! And the dean’s comin’ around the mountdean in shortaralls! Double thank god!
Turns out Britta once had a boyfriend who worked for a traveling carnival, and said traveling carnival has set its sights on Greendale. His name is Blade. Lots of high-fivery and general ranking on Britta for this. Blade (like the stupid and/or fantastic kickboxing vampire movie) is no good—a no good dirty carnie. He broke poor Britta’s heart and made her stop believing in love. Yeah, I can’t wait to meet this guy.
Jeff’s locker! (Glad we’ll be seeing more of it.) Wardrobe changes are soooo much easier now. Holy abs, Winger! While he vamps for Annie, Britta enlists our reliable, undistractable former pill queen (unless Jeff’s abs are around—seriously: yum) to make sure she does not cave and let Blade do her like a crossword. Britta’s a motherflipping carnie-banging werewolf, and she needs to be restrained. Desperate times, y’know? It’s time for a lockdown sleepover.
Oh no, Vice Dean Laybourne and his sad hair are back: He still wants Troy, and he’s going to use Engineer Pelton to do it. (Train conductors are engineers, right? I don’t know.) Let’s hop on the Greendale Caboose and see where this thread is going! (No? Ok, no.)
So, there they are chez Trabannie (yes?), just, y’know, trying to keep Britta busy. Seems like as good a time as ever to watch Blade. Ruh-roh, meltdown. Britta’s a full-blown girl, interrupted. And hey, there’s the dean! Let’s chips!
Side note: All Britta’s faux junkie worrying about her mother made me think: Greendale parents are kind of an untapped cameo gold mine. Who would play the gangs’ parents? Ok go!
Carnival! Weeee! (I kind of can’t believe the dean is missing this. There is no one carnivalier than he.) Shirley and Jeff are staking out Blade and—surprise—he’s kind of cool. Laid-back, content—what is this guy’s deal? (Oh yeah, Chang and Pierce are mooning about in the background becoming best friends. Who cares, right?)
Meanwhile, Annie—who knows the machinations of a junkie better than Candy Finnegan—pulls the ol’ switcheroo on Britta, who is using Annie’s weaknesses (i.e. trust, the need to be loved) to manipulate a fix (i.e. her phone). But Annie’s been down this road and knows what’s coming: She switches her phone number with Blade’s and opens the door to a series of pleading rapid-fire texts that EVERY GIRL HAS SENT AT ONE POINT IN HER LIFE. Well, game on, Britta (or Annie—I forget where that last part leaves us): Annie returns the text short and sweet: Leave me alone. Nope, doesn’t work. Good one, Annie. “Leave me alone” only begets sexting. Everybody knows that!!!
Back at the carnival, Winger is spilling his guts to Blade. Pink bear! Yay! What’s he up to? I don’t really know. Oh, Shirley doesn’t either. Oh, here, he’s going to tell us: Jeff wants to know what makes Blade make Britta swoon. Hmm. Is he in love with Britta or himself? Probably both. Let’s stay tuned.
(Chang and Pierce friendship breakup. Yep, still don’t care.)
Back at Trabannie’s, Troy takes over Operation Destroy Britta and finishes this thing: He texts something nice . Boom, Britta’s fixed. I feel you, B. Also, that’s sad.
Jeff still can’t figure out Blade, but he knows he wants to impress him. My guess is that Blade’s appeal lies in being the anti-nice text.
Annie needs to find out what finally got Britta off the Blade junk, and it’s simple: He’s a loser, Britta says. Nice-text author Troy is dejected, because if Blade’s a loser, he’s a loser. (And he kind of likes Britta, ‘member?) Poor Troy. The dean tries to lift his spirits: “Troy, you should really join the air-conditioning repair program!” Nope, didn’t work. Oh well.
Also, why does red bounce around on my TV? And if TV shows know that red bounces around like that, why do they use it so much?
Turns out Blade has no shame center. Boyfriend is dain-bramaged. So that explains it. Annnnnd…here comes Winger’s weekly life lesson. (Why is he doing it in Shatner voice?) Something about having to love yourself before you love other people or something like that.
Except…they all look on the verge of loving each other. Troy and Britta, Jeff and Annie? No, dislike. But whatever, it won’t last forever. Everyone’s gotta make out with everyone. I’m particularly psyched for the Winger-Abed tonguefest.
Abed does stand-up! I would totes go see that show. Sweet little quiet episode this week that seems to be setting up some big things soon. Can’t wait! My fingers are crossed for Pierce and Chang running away together. Far, far away.