What would you do for a Jim Norton prize pack? (Exclusive giveaway)

By | June 22, 2012 at 1:10 pm | 113 comments | feature slider, Giveaways | Tags: , , , , ,

If you’ve been paying attention, you know that Jim Norton is unleashing his latest hour-long stand-up special Please Be Offended June 30 on Epix at 10 pm ET. If you didn’t know, now you do. We’ve been rolling out teasers to get you properly pumped for the event. And we’ve got a new one below:

Ok, now on to some even more exciting business. We’re offering an exclusive giveaway. You can enter to win a prize pack, which includes an autographed shirt from Jim (see below), and a copy of his New York Times bestseller, Happy Endings: Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch. So, what do you have to do to get your hands on this sweet treasure? All you need to do is drop a comment (or more than one) below, explaining what you’d be willing to do for the prize. Keep in mind, you don’t have to actually do it– you just have to say you’ll do it. We recently did the same with our Louie giveaway and it worked out pretty well.

You’ll have until 5 pm ET on this coming Monday to enter. We’ll review all the responses and choose our favorite one and then jump in the comments section to message the winner. So, you’ll have to keep an eye on the post for further directions as well as our Twitter account at Laughspincom (where we’ll announce that we’ve made a decision). Also, if you’ve won anything from us in the last 30 days, you’re not eligible. That’s it. Have fun and good luck!

Seriously. Good luck.

About the Author

Laughspin Staff

Oh, hey. We're the entire writing staff at Laughspin. We wrote the above article all together-- using one finger each.

  • Yolanda Flores

    Run around in my underwear at work yelling, “I WANT TO WIN HAPPY ENDINGS!”

  • twitter.com/robertprovost

    I will do nothing for it. But I still expect to win because I’m a fancy man and I require fancy things.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1188836803 Jake Moran

       Tsst I let my cat feast on you or sumpthin tssst

  • EVILesq

    I’d play Monster Rain with Sandusky for the prize.

  • Jorge Garrido

    I would work for Laughspin without any thought to recompense.

  • http://twitter.com/Ph3dUp DuckFace McGhee

    I would use the shirt to clean the splooge off of my delicate stomach after a tranny had it’s way with me.  The book would be used in the bathroom.  Not for reading, but for toilet paper.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1188836803 Jake Moran

    I’d be willing to to visit my sick grandfather in the hospital…and rape him.

  • WarriorGuy

    I would ask my wife if she had to take a shit. Have her shit in a Wal-Mart bag. Then I would autograph the bag and trade it with you for the gift package.  Tit for tat or sumpin….tsstss

  • James Davis

    Bailey Jay…  twice.

  • http://www.facebook.com/thechad81578 Chad Albrecht

    Tsss… I’d pack the prizes faster than everyone else or sumthin’… tsss.

  • http://www.facebook.com/beetham Jason Beetham

    I would get Uncle Paul and Sandusky in the same room. 3rd period math to be exact.

  • Ryan Olson

    In honor of @jimnorton I would let that pretty lady with the big hands, wide shoulders, and the Adams apple blow me while I read up on sandusky’s court battle..yay pudding!!!

  • Jeff Leiboff

    What is thith a contetht or thumtin?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=704692475 German Ochoa

    I love Jim Norton, I got a pic with him on my Birthday!

  • Lil’ Johnny

    I would suckle Little Jimmy’s sensitive nipples….wait, I don’t even need the prize pack for that!!!

  • Jesseroy7

     id eat a fat chicks sweaty pussy to win.

  • http://www.facebook.com/NolaBusch Nicholas Busch

    well there is only one thing that you could do with this prize, offer it to a transexual massuse for a happyending.

  • Joebrandle

    I would eat dried up cum outa cips moms ass!

  • Rattmobb

    I’d eat a bag of tropical fruit skittles out of the gaped anus of an Asian tranny.

  • Sean

    i would suck his cock, cup his balls, stroke the shaft, anything little yimmy wants….

  • http://www.facebook.com/ciaranmcateer Ciarán Marcus Mc Ateer

    Snort and lick a heavy load of norton’s own semen from my mothers 62 year old crack while hanging weights from my nut sack. All whilst being violated with the severed forearm of a lumperjack. With aids…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bill-Norris/549202608 Bill Norris

    tip that ukranian prostitute at least 5 bucks….damn Jim 3 bucks.

  • Don Glasscock

    I would take a taste of whatever is in Jimmy’s belly button.

  • Lucas P

    I would compensate you for shipping costs to Germany. You’re already giving me something for free, it would seem greedy to expect you to pay extra just because I have failed to accept my own cultural surroundings and must resort to American comedy for entertainment.

  • http://twitter.com/mynameisseven Richard B

    I’d punch a baby. I mean, I’ve punched enough babies in my time… let this next one be worth SOMETHING.

  • Flaystus

    The deep want for this has frozen me in place, allowing no action at all.

    Alas paralyzed with desire I can only wait… and hope.

  • Magashna

    I would let Paul Hahrrgis molest my children.

  • Nincompoop

    I’ll drop the harassment lawsuit against my boss and “take one” for the team
    also, I could use a new cum stained shirt..

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Casey-June/28405054 Casey June

    I’d let Miachel J. Fox carve Jim’s name into my rectum with a wire brush and then do butt scoots through a Calcutta cafe while singing about how much of a silly-goose I am. 

  • Brandon Ijames

    I would tear off my asshole and throw it on the wall, and when it sticks there, I would jump through it into another dimension where ponies eat Klondike bars from my asshole, which mysteriously followed me from the previous dimension.

    No… that’s Louis C.K.

    Oh, wait.  Jim Norton?  He stinks, and I don’t like him!

    • Chip

      Tss Brandin, what are you like a thing to burn cows or somethin’? Tss

  • Josh w earls

    I will tell Jim what a disgusting dirty boy he is at the same time that I’m gently working his left nipple over while he is jerking me off.

  • tehslaphappy

    There comes a time in every man’s life where he’s faced with a decision. A decision of whether or not to do the wrong thing for good reason or the right thing for a bad reason. So I, sitting in this computer chair right now, will totally create the cure for every sexually transmitted disease for the greatness of the world, but the downfall of Jim Norton’s material.

    Amen.

    • Jorge Garrido

      I hope you and your entire family get cancer-aids and then… oh, wait. Shit. I can see how this will be a problem now.

      • tehslaphappy

         i hope you get attacked by flaming butts.

  • tehslaphappy

    p.s. i also think jim norton’s dany please don’t hit me

  • pest

    I would deepthroat a dogdick dildo for jim norton. or even not for jim norton, just for the fun of it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/grepilone Gregory Epilone

    I would have a three way with Freddie Mercury and John Holmes… 

  • Cort Kern

    I’d volunteer at a soup kitchen, Jim is the reason why I have a sense of humor.

  • Humblebrag

    I’d actually start paying for sirius/XM.

  • http://twitter.com/YoCritic Andrew Chien

    I wouldn’t do shit. He probably go on a rant about how hard it is to be a white man in America and how minorities are so privileged. *Dicksucking sounds* AIDS *dicksucking sounds* WHORES. What a phony.

  • Doug Galiardo

     I would book a one way flight to afghanistan dressed as a “terrorist” and while on the plane i will be talking about how much i love Jim Norton and arabic.

  • http://twitter.com/steveyknight Steven Knight

    I’d blow a tranny while it fingered by fart box.

  • Dshorter78

    I would let uncle Paul touch me while Valley Jim and Josh double teamed Chip!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002729827540 Le Seul Adze

    I’d fuck Chip out of Jimmy’s head.

  • Shawnsibley

    …prize pack…what that? a really good bunch of wolves or sumthin’…tsss…

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/3JLL56AA4TZWWZCIS2RTDR6TEE Frank

    fuck a tranny rawdog

  • Conor G

    I smelled his breeze as he walked past me towards the toilet in the comedy cellar, i followed him in, spied on his dick via the mirror through the tiny slit in the cubicle, and licked the toilet seat and floor for any droplets of gold he slashed behind. (messy pisser)

  • http://www.facebook.com/lalalooey Oskar Nygren

    I’m really not an exciting nor excited guy. I guess I’d just put stuff in my ass. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1005643224 Mike Skilton

    I would do a threesome with Uncle Paul and Jerry Sandusky…

  • Inzenirko

    Hold the shaft and cradle the balls.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/2KSVBC7PFLDKGYMKFUJBMLFWJU sneaky jesus

    I’d leave a comment only in hopes of winning….thats all im good for….hoping, or is it hopping? whichever one doesnt involve my feet leaving the ground. Plus Tuesday is my birthday!

  • Tim Teevo

    Significantly less than Jim would do just to have a good time.

  • http://twitter.com/jonguz6 Jonatan Guzy

    I could suck Jim Norton’s cock for that prize!

    Really, I could.

    Pleeaaaaaaase, pretty pretty pretty pretty please! :3

  • Jakeh

    I already ordered this prize pack from “Ted’s Shitty Prize Pack Emporium.” 

  • Brian Avery

    I would tag team a black prostitute with arms like Kobe Bryant and an askew blonde wig, with Jim Norton. ‘Welcome back to Europe, daddy.’

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rob-Smith/1348893576 Rob Smith

    I would spend 20 minutes in a closet with Jerry Sandusky

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rob-Smith/1348893576 Rob Smith

    I will put on a dress and play tranny for Jim

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rob-Smith/1348893576 Rob Smith

    I will go on a date with uncle paul

  • Billy Giancaspro

    I would let Uncle Paul babysit my firstborn son

  • Plman123

    I’d let Jim Norton finger fuck my ass-pussy while he’s munching on my 8″ clit, daddy.  Then daddy would lay on him stomach while I rub my clit against your ass daddy.

  • carlitos

    I would lie and pretend that his jokes are funny. 

  • Epiphany31871

    id suck his dick.

  • http://twitter.com/mstevens79 Michael

    I would ramone my own 80 year old grandmother.

  • FinleyManhattan

    I’d run into a burning building and pull people out. Oh wait, I already do that for a living. I guess I’d take a steaming dump on Lil Jimmy’s chest.

  • http://twitter.com/domisawhore Dom

    I would be willing to go on a strict fitness regimen and diet to get as good looking as possible. I would pick up 10 of the hottest girls I see everyday and when exchanging phone numbers I would give them Jimmy’s instead of mine. I would also go for plastic surgery to have my chin removed so it would be more believable when the girls compare me to Jim. Anything for little Jimmy.

  • Bradiswrong

    Can I wins?

  • Rod in ND.

    I would let a women of ill repute, with peanut brittle breath, blow me in Gary’s office and yell “FRRRRUUUUUUUNKIS” as I came. How ’bout them apples?

  • Will Speirs

    I would act pleasantly surprised.

  • http://twitter.com/xJayBarrettx Jay Barrett

     I’ve been listening to this fucking show for 10 years now…. don’t i honestly deserve it after the depravity my life has become due to this :) thank you … and go fuck yourself :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/1upChris Chris Sparkleglowwompsmcgilicu

    I’m a HUGE ‘Lil Jimmy Norton Fan…….I’d let Jimmy Fuck my Hot Petite Blond Girlfriend (with D’s) and My friend Leah (He’ll Know) :o )

  • Justin

    Intentionally infect myself with HIV and have sex with anyone who also wanted the prize pack.

  • Maury_cone

    I’ll watch “Meatspin” for 24 straight hours.  But, unlike Jim, I’ll do it without cumming.

  • Jerry S.

    I’ll push in lil Jimmy’s stool! LOL! ROFL! LMFAO! ugh….

  • http://www.facebook.com/ed.bandarek Ed Bandarek

    i would try my absolute best to piss off more people than jim norton will in his special.

  • batch

    I would fully fund the Bill Tetley variety hour and create a theme song incorporating the Roeper’s theme. Womp womp womp wompwomp womp womp womp wompwomp womp womp womp wompwomp womp… B. I. L L T. E. T. L. E. YYYYYYYYYYY BILL TETLEY.

  • R3dlined

    I’ll inhale a curry fart from jimmy with a smile.

  • Keith H

    I’ll give his dad a rusty trombone. 

  • http://twitter.com/OlyMike OlyMike

    cut off my dick and have the doctor form a super meaty pussy.  Or leave the dick and get tit implants, either way he should be happy..

  • http://twitter.com/pmerlino Paul Merlino

    I’d felch AIDSy cum through a crazy straw out of tippy toms decaying asshole.

  • Becki?

    I would finally come out of the closet. My Jimmy Norton closet.

  • Gski65

    I’d fuck Mimi Beardsley.

  • Xanadu83

    eat my mother out

  • Xanadu83

    make out with my dad, while fisting my 12 year old dogs vagina

  • Xanadu83

    go to the store buy some bath salts, roll them in a blunt, smoke it, eat jim nortons asshole (literally) 

  • Dynamite

    I’d drown Magic Johnson in shark-infested waters then go for a swim

  • Guy Fleegman

    I’d cheat on Lorena Bobbitt

  • http://twitter.com/StinkyPinkyPete j to the money

    I’d blow Jim Norton

  • http://www.facebook.com/krankykris Krankykris Liard

    i wouldn’t do shit for that norton guy.  he really is worthless.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=542683964 Brian Fernandez

    scream YIIIIIIIMMMMYYYY

  • Offendant

    I would listen to what Jesse Ventura has to say while slowly stroking my shaft and muttering yes… yes…

  • Thrint

    I’m a hetero male, 6-2 and kinda hairy. I’d dress up in drag.. hello daddy!

  • Eric Tatum

    i would let little jim Nor Don masterbate while i fuck a tranny.as long as he brings Chip

  • GeeROiD

    I WILL SUCK YOUR…

  • Sirmoist Cavanaugh

    To see my favorite stand up specialist I would call my head boss and make fun of his shriveled steroided nut pouch and congratulate his fat secretary and congratulate her on her triplet pregnancy even though I know she is just a fat pig and not actually knocked up. These two have been jipping people out of hours and deserved cash for years

    • Sirmoist Cavanaugh

      *congratulate her on

  • Cate

    I would make sweet, gentle love to him, followed by hours of cuddling and talking about our feelings, during which time I would express to him how much it means to me that he respects me as a woman and, more importantly, a person.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nick-Alspach/100000184374872 Nick Alspach

    Um, say that i really want it

  • http://twitter.com/markrandom4 RaИDoM

     i would perform my entire album live on the opie and anthony show

  • http://twitter.com/PussayBong Jake Hardwood

    I would give a hummer to an old unclipped gentlemen while muttering “at least i’m not watching vos” under my breath

  • http://twitter.com/itsAMdusk AM Dusk

    I would write a comment in the comments section of this article. 

  • Vogelica04

    I would invite Uncle Paul to my childrens Sleep over party and have him tuck them in !

  • mtman83

    I would give my nipples herpes by actually wearing this shirt. 

  • Mike K

    Gargle his next happy ending.

  • http://twitter.com/StuMcCallister Stu McCallister

    I will Tweet all of Jim’s Book.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chippah-Bombs/100000071189324 Chippah Bombs

    For one year I would be employed as James Norton’s professional ball washer.

  • Mike

    I will do a speech as Chip for my cousins wedding.  The best part is nobody there listens to the show so nobody will get it. 

  • http://twitter.com/itsAMdusk AM Dusk

    I would write a comment in the comments section of this article. 

  • Jayster263

    I’ll hide under his staircase and yell ‘MONSTER RAIN…MONSTER RAIN’ until he is satisfied….

  • Mike Rhodes

    I would buy Jim a prostitute and tongue his asshole while she blew him.

  • Jew Pesci

    I’d willingly be the only black woman who owns Jim Norton merch

  • Pingback: ‘PSA’ for Jim Norton’s NEW comedy special (video)