Greetings, comedy fans and dedicated Laughspinners! I’m here at the Beacon Theatre in New York City gearing up for Comedy Central’s autism benefit Night Of Too Many Stars, hosted by Jon Stewart. In a few moments, some of your favorite comedians and celebrities will arrive on the red carpet. And I’ll be there sticking a microphone and video camera in their faces and asking them inane questions– because that’s what the red carpet is for. If all goes according to plan, we’ll post a sweet compilation video of my chats with these folks on Laughspin.com late next week, before Night premieres on Comedy Central on Sunday.
For now, you can keep it here and follow along with my live blog during the taping. If you’re not into spoilers, click away– though I promise not to give away too much. Also, you should follow us on Twitter for live updates from the red carpet and photos of the arrivals. See you soon!
7:35 pm ET
And we’re live in the press room, watching the goings on at the Night of Too Many Stars. There’s salami and booze in here. And Jon Stewart is onstage talking about his 8-year-old’s love for his father’s phrase “Bullshit Mountain.” If you saw last weekend’s Stewart/O’Reilly debate you know what I’m talking about.
Derek Zoolander has made an appearance onstage with Tommy Hilfiger and Jon Stewart. Although Hilfiger just dropped a dud of a joke, he’s giving $250,000 to the cause, so, he’s pretty much allowed to do whatever the fuck he wants.
JB Smoove onstage. The RUCKUS has arrived. Dude…. he just announced that, as a prize for giving to the cause, Comedy Central is giving away a DVD of himself and Tracy Morgan doing audio commentary of Game of Thrones. Holy shit, they’re letting us watch some of it. This is totally worth it.
Hannibal Buress hits the stage raising money for Autism awareness by telling jokes about salmon, pornography!
Chris Matthews and Bill O’Reilly are onstage sparring, O’Reilly telling Chris he always sounds like a man falling down the stairs. And now Bill and Chris are going to debate while high on helium! And John King is moderating. I should be on drugs right now…
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler just auctioned themselves off for $72,000…two women will the their best friends for the night. Amazing.
A pre-slathered in salmon Stephen Colbert just did a bit with a real-live bear. I’m not kidding. Also Harvey Keitel and Carly Rae Jepsen may have just sang “Call Me Maybe” together.
A walking, talking head of broccoli and a walking, talking butter stick is fighting over Paula Deen. And there’s a lot of sex talk. Seth Rogen is now onstage offering to urinate with the highest bidder. Let’s do it! Two dudes just paid $32,000.
A surprise appearance by Louis C.K.! He just auctioned off a chance for a family to take their holiday card photo with Al Pacino. Louis just bid $25,000 on it, himself and won– but another guy also won it for $20,000.
C.K. also just got $22,000 for a walk-on role on The Big Bang Theory. “It’s the science one,” he says. “The guy who fired Charlie Sheen will write a good line for you.” I love that C.K. is offering things out of his ass. Also, C.K. may be the worst auctioneer’s assistant ever.
Dude. I’m not exaggerating when I tell you I was in tears after watching what just happened. Tears. In the press room. Next to other people. So, why did that happen. Well, first, we see a young autistic girl in a video progressing through her life, gaining skills slowly and surely. Turns out, she loves music. Also, turns out that she’s an amazing piano player. Also, she just played and sang Firework with Katy Perry onstage. When you see it next Sunday, it will rip your fucking heart out…in a good way.
Steve Schirripa just put on an Oscar-worthy performance, portraying New Jersey governor Chris Christie. J-Woww and Sammi Sweetheart helped him out. And now he’s announcing the last auction of the night– Sting is here! And he’ll sing your name in “Roxanne.”