Legendary comedian Pat Cooper announces his retirement: I got my dignity

By | October 18, 2013 at 9:45 am | 8 comments | News, TV/Movies | Tags: , ,

Legendary comedian Pat Cooper is retiring from the stage. The 84-year-old Brooklyn native was a guest on the Opie and Anthony Show on SiriusXM this morning, which is where he made the announcement.

On the show he explained that he felt he’s accomplished everything he set out to and that, very simply, he’s too old to continue anymore. He admitted that he’s been relying on cue cards to get through live shows. “If they write them any bigger the fucking audience won’t be able to see me!” he said, adding that it’s not just his eye sight that’s challenging his career. “Comedy is all about rhythm,” Cooper said. “If I’m noticing now my rhythm is not rhythm-y, it’s time to go. I got my dignity.” He later added: “It isn’t fun anymore. It’s not fun if I have to rely on things to help me on stage, like a crutch.”

Cooper explained that he actually stopped performing about four months ago. But this is the first time he’s gone public with his decision. Cooper (real name: Pasquale Caputo) also had something to say about fellow iconic performer Don Rickles, 87. “With all due respect to Don Rickles, he’s not all there anymore. Retire!” Cooper said. “And if he heard me say this he’d tell me ‘mind my business’ and he’d be right!”

A comedian for 60 years, Cooper said he’s happy hanging out with his grandkids post-career. A trip may also be in order. “I wanna go to Italy with a blind girl and tell her I’m Cary Grant,” he joked. Oh, and if anyone has plans to somehow commemorate his retirement, they should think twice about it. “If someone throws me [a party], I’m gonna tell `em, ‘Fuck you’ and go back into show business the next day.”

– reporting by Jorge Garrido

UPDATE: Listen to the audio below. Cooper’s announcement comes at about the 3:30 mark.

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Dylan P. Gadino

Dylan is the founder and editor in chief of Laughspin. He launched Punchline Magazine in 2005 (which became Laughspin in the summer of 2011) with childhood friend Bill Bergmann. Dylan lives in northern New Jersey with his wife and two sons. He hopes the Shire is real.

  • LCF


    This review is now posted for the second time (March 16, 2011). I guess the contents of the review and all the discussion that followed as a result of its original post was not what the authors expected. This just gives more credence to what is written and the power of Truth.

    It is with mixed emotions that this review is posted. It is posted not from a need to prove or defend the truth but rather as an obligation to heighten the awareness of those readers who may innocently be unaware.

    For many years Pat Cooper has used his family as a source of material for his act. It publically became acceptable for him in this context to embellish the truth as a source of entertainment for his audience. However, when one decides to write a memoir it is supposed to be an accurate account of life experiences. It is necessary that readers be made aware that throughout the book the author presents many misconceptions with respect to his earlier family relationships and experiences. As one who lived through many of the experiences, I would have to say that Pat Cooper’s book, How Dare You Say How Dare Me, presents its readers with a perspective that is very much from the truth. Somehow in his memoir, Pat Cooper has chosen to eliminate some very significant events that should have been recounted in order for the reader to see what truly makes him “tick.” The authors’ use of sensationalism throughout the book is used as a tool to entice the reader’s interest and curiosity. Perhaps the authors would like to add the following reflection as an epilogue to insure the memoir is presented with more accuracy.

    It was truly an unfortunate experience that both my brother Michael and I lived through. The impact of the experience has affected each of our lives in different ways. Sometimes the true reason as to why things happen is clouded by what we imagine they could have been. Through the years, and by being a mother, I have come to the realization that it would be impossible for anyone to even begin to try to rationalize the cowardice actions of any man, under any circumstances, who could turn away from his biological children and then in turn adopt another. I have rather learned that it was necessary to alter my expectations in order to truly accept and understand the emotional limitations and hypocritical actions of this man. In the words of Martin Luther King; “the ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” Through the years, this man has consistently demonstrated that for whatever reason, he was only capable of achieving the emotional ability to stand as a dark shadow in our lives. I am sadly comforted in a sense to have come to accept that to have had a father who was filled with such anger and negative energy in my life would have probably been more toxic. It is ironic that through it all the one thing that we both learned from an absent father and a very present and loving mother and grandmother was the true blessings of a family. It is really a shame for him that he was not only unwilling to share in all our wonderful memories and accomplishments, but also missed out on all the genuine love that truly bonds OUR FAMILY together. These are things WE will always have, as they are TRUTHS within our heart. There is NOTHING that can take them away… not even the DECEPTIVE WORDS IN HIS BOOK. A person can only hide behind an image for so long. Eventually, in time, the truth somehow always manages to shine through. My brother Michael’s book, Dear Pat Cooper, is the ONLY one that has helped to make that happen. I know… I was there, too!

    So to the co-authors of this book and one of their uninformed wives,(who have since removed their own reviews in order to eliminate the TRUTHFUL AND UNFAVORABLE comments that followed) and to ANYONE else who feels compelled to conjecture on what they perceive as being truth, since you were NOT there you have no basis to offer any opinion. Your perceptions are clearly only based on the false image that Pat Cooper has portrayed to you through the years. Therefore, please do not be so bold as to make suggestions as to offering this man unconditional love. Sadly, the time for that has long passed and it was something Pat Cooper should have offered his children and family many years ago. No matter how loud he bellows trying to convince himself and the world otherwise… the truth is… HE NEVER TRIED TO BE OUR FATHER. He instead substituted by adopting another child and harbored resentment for those who tried to help him acknowledge his responsibilities as a father to his two biological children. I guess that was easier…. to be a coward and turn away. Perhaps maybe these actions were not totally generated by him but rather from the fear, possessiveness and insecurity harbored by his new wife and family. This is something I will neither ever know, nor does it have any significance in justifying any of his prior actions. However, there is one thing I do know and it is that; Children may not always remember what you said, but they will always remember the way you made them feel. The feelings that this man has left us with are not those of anger, but rather pity. It is so pitiful that Pat Cooper has invested so much energy in trying to blame others and make excuses for all of his poor choices, that sadly his entire life has passed by without knowing and experiencing the love of both his beautiful biological children and family. It is incomprehensible to even begin to imagine how a SON could lack compassion and refuse to reconcile with his own loving MOTHER. It is even more pitiful that his egocentrical personality has blinded him to be able to see or acknowledge that through the years it wasn’t only all about him and his feelings. He sadly doesn’t even realize that his constant “saga” of personal persecution which he continually reveals throughout the book consistently portrays him as an insensitive, selfish and lonely sole. It seems that Pat Cooper is always throwing a perpetual tantrum about things that didn’t go his way. He appears to be a man who was never happy in either his personal or professional life. It is really quite sad that at this point in his life he still has a need to publically justify his actions and ridicule his family. Perhaps maybe he still yearns to somehow be connected and this is unfortunately the only way he knows how. I guess it is true that “nothing is more wretched than the mind of a man conscious of guilt”. It’s quite ironic that even though he dismissed himself from any part of my life, I still, in a sense; somehow feel sorry for the man. As I have said; I have learned to accept his emotional limitations, but realistically I will always be disheartened by all the anger and resentment he still possesses about two innocent children and a wonderful loving mother he never had the courage or took the time to know. I am thoroughly relieved that both my brother and I are VOID of this gene!!

    In conclusion here are some final words for the man who fathered me and (oh…yes… I must not forget to acknowledge the one obligation that he actually fulfilled) …. to the man that paid the meager court ordered child support for me so many years ago…maybe you need to seriously reflect on these words from your book, “When I’m standing in front of a microphone, I may seem angry, but I’m not in a hate mode. I’m angry because of the sadness. There’s so much of it, and most of it is what we do to each other. When I’m ranting and raving up there, I’m releasing sadness. I’m saying that if we talk about it–or yell about it–maybe we can turn that sadness into laughter.” For years you have made others laugh, but to those like myself who know the truth, your memoir exposes the most significant tragedy of Pasquale Caputo’s life which is that you still have not yet been able to release all the sadness that dwells inside your own heart. I truly hope that your personal torment will someday end and that you can face the truth to free yourself of all the anger and anxiety that has so totally consumed you for your entire life. It is only then that genuine love, happiness and laughter will find their way into your heart. It’s not too late….you should try it……. it is a wonderful feeling… I’ve felt it for years!!!

  • michaelcaputo718

    Find out the “real story” about the angry comedian PAT COOPER. See the newly renovated website and the published book, “Dear Pat Cooper,” what happened to my father Pasquale Caputo? Visit the website for details: http://www.dearpatcooper.com/

    • uncle frank

      mike if I had a father like pat cooper that forgot he was a caputo when he left you since you was born and everyone else that was a caputo I would be a shame today still calling him my father because he is the low life of a person that had two beautiful children forty years ago and not once remember that they existed and forgot that he had a mother and three sister and father that was there to take care of his kids not like this so call pat cooper who thinks he has done no wrong all these years and why cause if he had to be honest it would have hurt his career what a price to pay mr pat cooper why don’t you retire with the name you use all these years cause you have more of the blood of that in you than a caputo

  • Marianne

    wow…never was funny..just a wife cheater!

  • USAwinseverytime

    Ona are gay, Pat Cooper sucks and has not been relevant for decades..Look no furter than this. He retires and you can only find one article on the whole internet about it and that’s here on a website nobody even knows about. Opie and Anthony are cry babies that failed replacing the King Howard Stern…they got nothing, the only time they can get people to listen to them is when they talk about Howard. Howard does not even have to mention them and still gets millions of people to listen to him. They hate that so much, They just want “daddy” to talk about them but all Howard does is ignore them like the Nothings they are

    • Richard Dick

      YEAH MAAAAAAAAN USAwinseverytime, TSS TSS TSS TSS. You got giant balls I want to suck on and blow you stud. GA GA GA GA GA GA GA GA GA GA GA GA GA GA GA GA GA GA GA GA GA GA. USA or somethin’, yeeeeaaaah. WINSEVERYTIME, thats a great screen name F*** yeah. who is this guy, like our next president or somethin’, TS TS TS TS TS TS.

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  • Alex Gough

    He killed today on O&A. Hope to at least hear some more great appearances from him soon.