US Airways was scrambling yesterday to save face in the midst of one of the most enjoyable Twitter scandals of all time. In response to a customer complaint on the social media site, whoever runs the US Airways Twitter feed posted a decidedly pornographic image of a toy plane inserted into a lovely lady’s vagina. “We deeply regret the mistake and we are currently reviewing our processes to prevent such errors in the future,” US Airways said in a statement. The tweet, of course, was taken down but the NSFW image lives on the Internet.
But today is a brighter day for the airline industry. A video posted to YouTube shows Southwest Airlines flight attendant Marty Cobb delivering that flight safety speech we’ve all had to sit through before the plane takes flight. It’s a process George Carlin masterfully covered on his 1992 comedy special Jammin’ In New York. But Cobb, although not as incisive as Carlin, does an impressive job weaving comedy into the otherwise boring presentation.
At one point during Cobb’s airline safety speech she sends another flight attendant down the aisle. “She’s going to make sure your seatbacks and tray table are in their full upright [positions]…and your carry-on items are crammed under the seat in front of you, leaving absolutely no room for your knees or feet,” Cobb jokes.
Cobb even takes time to poke fun at Southwest’s status as a budget, no-frills airline. “Smoking is never allowed on Southwest because smoking in the lavatory the fine is $2,000,” Cobb says, “and if you wanted to pay that much for your airfare you should’ve flown somebody else.”
The sassy blonde also addresses that pesky loss-in-cabin-pressure possibility. “And although we never anticipate a loss of cabin pressure – if we did we certainly wouldn’t be at work tonight – but if needed, stop screaming, let go of your neighbor and when the plastic tubing is fully extended, place the mask over your mouth and nose and breathe normally.”
And then Cobb gets really dark—especially to an audience of commercial airline passengers. “To activate the flow of oxygen, simply insert 75 cents for the first minute… If you’re traveling with more than one child, pick out the one that might have the most earning potential down the road.” Check out the full video below.