Seventeen years ago, Stephen Colbert was “gainfully unemployed” as a struggling comedy writer, which is why he pitched a Top Ten list to David Letterman in an attempt to score a Late Show gig. Of course, since that time, he’s hosted his own show for nearly nine years and is set to take over hosting duties for Letterman’s show in 2015. Along with writing partner Paul Dinello, who still works with the comedian on The Colbert Report on Comedy Central, Colbert submitted “Top Ten Cocktails For Santa” all those years ago.
By the time Colbert and Dinello got a call back from Letterman’s team for a possible writing position, the comedy duo — along with Amy Sedaris — had scored a deal to produce and star in Strangers with Candy for Comedy Central. Anyway, when Colbert and Dinello pitched the Top Ten list, it was around Christmas and they thought that perhaps Santa was sick of milk and cookies and as an adult with a stressful job, he’d like some booze instead of dairy. So, last night during his appearance on Late Show, Colbert unveiled his Top Ten Cocktails For Santa. You can watch the complete video below. Or, if you can simply read them here, if you’re boss is hovering around your desk and it would look suspicious if you suddenly grabbed your headphones.
10. Rusty Blitzen— one ounce Scotch, one ounce Drambuie, twist of venison
9. Mama Said Nog You Out— 3 fingers of egg nog, 1 finger of ether
8. Pa Rum Pa Pum Rum— open can of fruit cocktail, two ounces rum…enjoy responsibly
7. Vodka Giblet— one part vodka, any part turkey organ
6. Scrooge Driver— grain alcohol and regret
5. No Room At The Gin— Chill Martini glass, fill with gin until there is no room for anything else
4. On Comet, On Cupid, On Dasher, Wine Spritzer!
3. King of the Juice— any available juice, any available liquor, wedge of Matzo
2. Jack Frost— equal parts Jack Daniels and snow (seasonal)
1. Silent Nighttrain