Lance Armstrong Missing Testicle Found? ‘Cards Of Humanity’ Gets Hilariously Awkward When Doping Former Cyclist Draws Own Card

By | May 19, 2014 at 4:14 pm | 2 comments | Comedy Briefs, Opinion | Tags: , , , , , ,

Lance ArmstrongWe are still struggling to forgive Lance Armstrong after he confessed to doping while winning seven Tour de France races.  But while he still has a long way to go to get back into the public’s good graces, he at least proved during a recent playing of Cards Against Humanity that he still has a sense of humor.

Cards Against Humanity is essentially a more evil version of the popular card game Apples to Apples. The cards feature everything from to sexual references like “penis envy” to politically incorrect phrases like “poorly timed Holocaust jokes.”  Other cards are just plain bizarre, including, “Getting naked and watching Nickelodeon,” and, our personal favorite, “A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis.”

Lance Armstrong quickly learned that Cards Against Humanity can get especially awkward if you are a celebrity. The cyclist recently tweeted the below photo, which ostensibly revealed one of the cards in his pile.

This is another classic card in the Cards Against Humanity deck. It is a reference to Lance Armstrong’s  1996 battle with testicular cancer, which led doctors to remove one of his testicles.

Clearly, Lance Armstrong took his role in Cards Against Humanity in stride. But many in England were less amused by the game. Critics derided the British version of Cards Against Humanity as offensive, especially to the royal family. Two of the cards reference Duchess Kate Middleton’s colonoscopy and Queen Elizabeth’s behind.

The UK edition also upset the family of missing British child Madeleine McCann, who is featured on one of the cards.“The offensiveness of this speaks for itself,” McCann family spokesman Clarence Mitchell said last week. “For the makers of the game to make light of a missing child is beyond offensive. They should reconsider what they’re doing and all Madeleine references should be cut out of future editions. It is deeply offensive.”

But despite this British backlash, the Cards Against Humanity inventors have no plans to tone down the game. “Madeleine McCann was the riskiest one because we don’t have anything like that in the US version,” said Ben Hantoot, one of the creators of Cards Against Humanity. “That was the untested one but people love it. Our goal is to be as funny as possible and sometimes things that are really offensive are also really funny.”

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Melissa Siegel

Melissa Siegel is an entertainment writer based in a suburb of New York City. You can also check out her work at

  • Lukas Martin Miskowski
  • Xavier

    Yeah, I forgave him and the cards a long while back, mostly for the media flap involved.

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