As David Letterman prepares to leave Late Show at the end of the year and Stephen Colbert prepares to take over Letterman’s seat at CBS, who is preparing to be Colbert’s bandleader? It’s a fair question, you guys. It seems every late night host needs a band and a bandleader, right? Letterman has Paul Shaffer, Jimmy Fallon has Questlove of The Roots, Seth Meyers has Fred Armisen, Conan O’Brien has Jimmy Vivino, Jimmy Kimmel has Cleto Escobedo, Craig Ferguson has Geoff the robot, who’s not a bandleader but we felt bad leaving him out. Anyway, comedian, radio show host, musician, author and self-proclaimed facemelter Dave Hill has a chance to become Stephen Colbert’s bandleader—that is, if a newly-launched Change.org petition can help influence The Colbert Report host.
Started by Shawn Setnicky from Machester Township, NJ, the petition proclaims, “He’s funny, sexy, he can talk his way through any conversation like butter, and he’s one kick-ass musician.” The petition continues: “Sure, you could try and call King Diamond, but that guy’s usually out of the country and doesn’t answer his phone. Plus he plays with fire too much and you don’t want your beautiful wood floors to catch fire.”
If you’d like to sigh the petition – and we highly recommend you do – head on over to Change.org and make your voice heard! You could also Tweet your support using the hashtag #DaveHillforColbert. Finally, should also what’s below. We asked Dave Hill a few questions about the Colbert campaign and – check it out! – he answered them. Responding to questions asked? Yep, another skill you’d want in a bandleader.
How does it feel that your fans started and have supported this petition on your behalf?
I’m touched that people have started this campaign without me even bringing it up. The truth is I genuinely want the gig as bandleader on Stephen Colbert’s new show when he takes over for Letterman and think I’d be a great fit. In fact, I was born to do it, dammit. But it was so nice that people on Twitter had the same thought and took it upon themselves to start this campaign. I imagine the suits at CBS are already talking to Elvis Costello or someone like that about the gig, but mark my words- if someone besides me gets the Colbert bandleader gig, I will take them out at the knees. Elvis lives two blocks from me, so I know where to find him. And I’m a huge Elvis fan. If I’m willing to take him down, you don’t even wanna think about what I’d do to Michael Bublé or some other a-hole like that.
How would you be different than other late night bandleaders?
Unlike the typical bandleader, I have a ton of experience as both a comedian and a musician, so I can crack a joke when needed and I can melt faces on the guitar while I’m at it without even really trying. Plus, it goes without saying that I already have the outfits. Everyone knows that.
Do you think late night audiences could even deal with the rock you would bring?
I was worried about that too, but it’s not all face melting all the time with me. I have my sensitive side and know how to whip a horn section into shape if need be. I can even play jazz without being a dick about it. So even though it would be my preference to play “Cat Scratch Fever” or something as entrance music for every guest, I’m capable of daintier alternatives if Streisand or someone comes along. The more I think about it, I can’t believe Colbert hasn’t called me yet. But it will happen. America needs this and if Stephen doesn’t know it yet, he will soon. Plus, Stephen and I are both Catholic, so we’ll be able to compare notes on gospel homilies on Monday mornings and man that shit is gonna be awesome. You really don’t get enough of that in show business these days.
Is Lars Ulrich a terrible drummer or the most terrible drummer in the history of rock?
Lars Ulrich isn’t the greatest drummer ever or anything, but it’s worked out pretty well for him so far, so- aside from everything Metallica has done since Master of Puppets- I have no real beef with him. But I think pretty much every drummer besides John Bonham sucks, so I’m probably the wrong guy to ask. When I get the Colbert gig, I’ll probably see if Ginger Baker’s available and go from there. He’s got moxie.