Tim Heidecker, Jesse Alkire demand Bubba Gump Shrimp Co stop selling shellfish in light of Hobby Lobby controversy

By | July 2, 2014 at 1:42 pm | 19 comments | News, Opinion | Tags: , , , , , ,

Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.On Monday, the United States Supreme Court made a ruling in favor of Hobby Lobby, the Oklahoma City-based arts and crafts retail chain, allowing the ultra-Christian company to refuse insurance coverage of birth control that is otherwise available under President Barack Obama’s Affordable Care Act. So, why does Hobby Lobby have such a problem with contraception? Well, Hobby Lobby believes that some forms of widely used contraception (like the morning-after pill) amount to abortion — a concept not exactly embraced by conservative Christian groups – and that offering these options is an infringement on their Constitutional rights.

Like most fundamental Christian arguments, however, Hobby Lobby’s argument is filled with contradictions, least of all is the fact the retailer, through their 401(k) plans, allows its employees to invest in pharmaceutical companies that make morning after pills or similar products. There’s also science, which totally gets in the way of Hobby Lobby’s argument. You see, morning-after pills don’t cause abortions; they prevent pregnancies from even happening. According to Susan Wood, a professor of health policy at George Washington University and a former assistant commissioner for women’s health at the FDA, “These products are not abortifacients. And their only connection to abortion is that they can prevent the need for one.”

“But go look for consistency in religion,” George Carlin once said.

Further calling out Hobby Lobby’s contradictory and archaic thought process, is comedian Tim Heidecker, who sent out the following tweet concerning the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. to his 401,000 followers this morning.

 

Social media expert, ad writer and comedy writer Jesse Alkire answered the call. He posted a Change.org petition in less than 30 minutes. Drawing inspiration from Leviticus – the part of the Bible anti-gay protesters (and other horrible people) refer to when they want to prove ‘God hates fags’ – Alkire laid out the bit about shellfish being an abomination to God. The petition reads:

Leviticus 11:10 — But anything in the seas or the rivers that has not fins and scales, of the swarming creatures in the waters and of the living creatures that are in the waters, is detestable to you.

If the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. recklessly chooses to go against the wishes of our Lord, then we as Christians can stand against the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., as is our right as AMERICANS but most importantly CHRISTIANS.
The Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. openly proliferates the seafood lifestyle, which is unnatural and dirty, as stated by the Bible. If the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. continues to flaunt their immoral “values” while making a mockery of this country’s CHRISTIAN beliefs, then we can choose to not do business with them, because we as CHRISTIANS will NEVER be forced to support something we don’t believe in.

It’s satire at its best, but will it change the minds of those who support Hobby Lobby’s decision to deny women contraception coverage? Not likely. Fundamentalist Christians don’t care about reason or progress or humanity. They don’t care to hear a logical, fact-based argument against their beliefs. Any moderately intelligent person who has read Leviticus or studied the reason for its inclusion in the Bible realizes that some of Leviticus makes sense based on historical context and the story of The Exodus. God (if you believe in that sort of thing) doesn’t hate gay people. God was trying to rebuild the Israelites’ society after that whole Egyptian enslavement thing. And two dudes having sex will do nothing to add to a population. So, maybe God hates inefficiency. And people who don’t understand biology. And if God exists, he/she/it probably hates Hobby Lobby.

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Dylan P. Gadino

Dylan is the founder and editor in chief of Laughspin. He launched Punchline Magazine in 2005 (which became Laughspin in the summer of 2011) with childhood friend Bill Bergmann. Dylan lives in northern New Jersey with his wife and two sons. He hopes the Shire is real.

  • NathanUninsured

    There are a lot of people who work for Tim Heidecker who would be thrilled with the Hobby Lobby coverage or just any health insurance at all.

  • Justadude

    When an adequate point is made, it should be done with an unbiased PRACTICAL standpoint. If you find yourself nodding your head to this article, you’re a hypocrite. HOBBY LOBBY’s (LOL) employee privatization belongs to hobby lobby. I’m sorry you’re not crucifying yourself weighing in how messed up you may or may not find this… it’s totally within their right, get over yourself.

  • Goop

    Everyone’s a hypocrite and if you don’t think you are that’s awesome it’s so hard to have solid principles today and stick by them. It’s honorable almost, Teddy Roosevelt said he’s just a mass of contradictions. It’s funny how people love to point out others hypocritical tendencies. Like oh and you’re so perfect? Think about your life hard and fucking read a book once in a while. You are not as smart as you think. Just because a bunch of fuckers agree with you on the internet does not mean jack shit. Oh great open discussion sharing of ideas aka just ganging up on the opposition. Man fuck your petty lives

  • Goop

    This is such bull crap don’t you realize how ignorant you’re also being? So much hatred because some people want to believe something. Alkire’s so hilarious he literally interpreted something, and uses it as an attack? On what?? The intentions behind some people are so skewed and bizzarre. I don’t get this world fuck the government and fuck yourself let people do what they fucking want unless they are intentionally harming others. Hobby Lobby is someone’s company, they have the right to control what they fucking do with it. So what if it’s against what you believe in, you do not have to work there. They owe nothing to you or anyone else. Hell they do enough by providing a lobby for your hobby. Fuck off though because these things are so much greater then you will ever be able to grasp. God is you

    • Wulgus

      you are retarded

  • Dave Odd

    To answer Dunder69, life begins at conception, and ends when it is actually born, then is becomes a lazy taker living off of your money and isn’t your problem. It certainly does not deserve food, shelter, healthcare, and education, or any quality of life. If it is gay, Muslim, female, minority, poor, or otherwise non-white, male, straight, and Christian, it doesn’t even deserve basic human rights, because it is after all a subhuman piece of garbage leeching off the system. Oh, and praise Jesus.

    • MinkyUrungus

      This is all cool and sarcastic and everything, but why didn’t you respond to the person directly?

  • dunder69

    ‘the morning after pill is not an abortifacient’ when else does human life begin if not at conception? This is the only scientifically consistent view, and the liberal left offers literally no alternative answer to when life begins and what constitutes human life.

    • Josh Morris, MSF*

      As stated in the article, the morning after pill prevents a pregnancy or “conception” from ever happening in the first place. So, the issue of when human life begins is irrelevant in this context. There is no conception, that’s the purpose of the pill.

      • enoughalready

        Science doesnt get to pick when life begins, philosophy gets to pick that and it’s basically as much a matter of opinion as any other question of life or death (capital punishment, euthanasia, etc.) or anything else which assumes the cosmic or moral significance (which I deny, by the way) of human existence. Both of you, quit pretending that someone else’s definition of life is unscientific or wrong as if it unravels their entire argument. It discredits you both.

        • Josh Morris, MSF*

          So, let me ask you, do you believe that life begins when a woman ovulates? And therefore is it murder when she menstruates? I don’t think anyone is debating whether life begins before fertilization (when a sperm enters an egg). It’s debatable when life begins after fertilization commences. The morning after pill prevents fertilization from occurring, ergo, no life created.

          If you’re really going to debate whether life begins before fertilization I would suggest taking a basic biology course because you seem very confused. And, again, you’d be claiming that an unfertilized egg is life, and therefore a woman menstruating is committing murder. I really hope this isn’t what you believe.

          • rza

            Damn fine words Josh! I love how these people make an enemy of science… wait actually I detest that. Whole heartedly.

          • enoughalready

            I didn’t say anything about what I believe about when pregnancy begins. I don’t care, because I don’t think that life is important and so when it begins isnt, either. But I did believe that these medicines functioned substantially by inhibiting implantation. I can see now that the science doesnt really suggest that anymore. There seems to be a lot of confusion about the subject. Perhaps you should wait to accuse people of being blatantly anti-scientific idiots or suffering from reading comprehension disabilities (I assume I am safe putting those words in your mouth) until the FDA sorts out the misleading labeling and this confused interpretation of the science is no longer defensible.

          • Josh Morris, MSF*

            You don’t think that life is important? Then what do you care about anything about this subject? Your original conceit was that “Science doesnt get to pick when life begins” I was stating that no one is contesting that life begins before implantation. I really have no idea what you’re arguing with me about. Especially if you do not think that life is important. Just feel like arguing for the sake of argument I suppose.

          • enoughalready

            I’m arguing with your tactic of saying that the issue (whether these drugs cause abortion by preventing implantation) is not relevant in this context. It is the entire context. If it was perfectly clear, at the time when the case began, or now, to everyone involved, that these drugs stopped conception instead of implantation, then hobby lobby would never have objected. When you say that the scientific subject is irrelevant in the context, you imply that there is some other subject which is relevant, such as a ‘war on women’ angle or whatever. The ‘war on women’ angle can only exist in a universe where people fatuously imagine that their opponents are idiotically non-scientific, instead of actually scientific but most likely bereft of the most up-to-date science.

            Your first post gently chided someone to read the very non-technical article more closely, since it conveyed the (not really) basic common knowledge about how the drugs work, and that simple fact would eviscerate the opposition entirely if only the time were taken to read it. Your next post suggested I take a basic biology course. It’s always with the ‘youre scientifically illiterate’ card with you guys.

            Now that I am paying close attention, I hear some people saying ‘drugs which MIGHT prevent implantation’. If there is some question as to whether these drugs MIGHT prevent implantation, then I fully expect conservatives to blithely carry on as if they do, and liberals to blithely carry on, like you do, as if they do not. This ensures that nobody will ever get anywhere talking about this, as there is a mismatch in the basic premises.

          • Josh Morris, MSF*

            I don’t think there’s a war on women.

            You’re telling me basically that Hobby Lobby should be let off the hook because they didn’t realize how the drugs work? (Honestly asking if that’s what you’re saying, not being facetious.) If that is what you’re saying, I really do not agree. If they were going to go through the trouble of bringing this case to court and pushing it all the way through to the Supreme Court, they could have taken the few minutes to actually understand what they’re so against.

            And this has absolutely nothing to do with being scientifically literate or not. It has to do with being informed. If you feel strongly about any topic you should take it upon yourself to look into it and find out more about it. Could turn out the reason you felt so strongly about it is because you misunderstood. Ignorance is never an excuse.

          • enoughalready

            I’m telling you hobby lobby should be let off the hook because the science isn’t settled. Here’s from plan B’s website:

            Plan B One-Step® works primarily by: Preventing ovulation — It may also work by: Possibly preventing fertilization by altering tubal transport of sperm and/or egg; altering the endometrium, which may inhibit implantation.

            While there is still uncertainty, there is still room for legitimate moral objection.

  • NoKibitzing

    Tim should pick his words wisely he ate a lot of shrimp on “Beaver Boys”

    Just kidding, I’m all for pointing out the insane hypocrisy of this whole case. Bravo Mr. Heidecker!

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