An unnamed husband thought he had the perfect way to convince his wife to have sex more often. The man sent her a spreadsheet of all the excuses his lover gave when she refused to sleep with him. But the move backfired in a big way when the woman posted the chart on Reddit, where it has now gone viral.
The wife, who goes by the Reddit name throwwwwaway29, explained that her husband emailed her the below sex spreadsheet (click to enlarge) as she was on her way to a business trip. The chart showed every time the husband tried to sleep with his wife over the last seven weeks, and whether or not he was successful in doing so. If they did not have sex (which happened quite often), the man quoted his wife’s excuses. These included legit physical reasons like “I’m too drunk and I ate too much” and “I might be getting sick” to lamer ones like “I’m watching my show, I don’t want to miss anything.” Hasn’t she ever heard of a DVR?
“Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone,” the wife wrote on Reddit about her husband’s sex excuses spreadsheet. “He’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my ‘excuses,’ using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his ‘document’, we’ve only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 ‘attempts’ on his part.
It was actually 28 attempts, but throwwwwaway29’s point was clear. What’s less clear is why she posted the sex excuses spreadsheet on Reddit, though it’s possible she just needed some advice. And whether she wanted it or not, posters were all-too-willing to tell throwwwwaway29 how to proceed. Suggestions ranged from sending an apology email or sexy photos to asking for his help with chores so she won’t feel as tired when he wants to make whoopee.
She may need to do more, however, as she wrote on Reddit that her husband has “cut contact” with her since sending the sex excuse spreadsheet. No word on how he responded to his wife posting their dirty laundry on the Internet. But if his idea of communication is sending his wife an email spreadsheet as she is about to leave town, she may be better off without him, anyway.