Aries: Congratulations! This week you’re going to be Arsenio Hall! Your lucky color is mauve. Taurus: Like riding bulls? Not so much? Well tough shit, Taurus! Sometimes the bull needs to ride the bull. This week you’re going to be forced to join a local rodeo circuit,...
Aries: Two thousand salamanders are going to crawl up through your pipes and into your bath tub early Friday morning. Together, in perfect harmony, they are going to sing the greatest rendition of “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” the world has ever heard. You’ll weep. Mostly...
Aries: The Aries sign has something to do with rams, so, this week I think it’s important for you to find and kill a real ram, and then wear the carcass of its head as a hat for the entire weekend, ESPECIALLY on Saturday night. Get ready, you’re about to make some new and...
The state bird of New Jersey is the mosquito. The statement, offered in jest by a movie character from behind the digitalized safety net of the TV screen, had at least one audience member thoroughly riled. It was all the encouragement my friend Richie, a Jersey boy born and...
I think it's safe to say that all most comedians ever want to do is tell jokes and make people laugh. But all too often, some wise-ass decides that he or she wants to get involved and steal the spotlight. We call these miserable low lives that needed more hugs growing up...
It's no secret that there is a great deal of personal mental strain that comedians go through-- often self-inflicted, despite having "making people laugh" in their job description. While self-help books are often a popular topic for jokes and I've surprised other comedians by...
Yesterday I saw Mila Kunis. Yes that MILA KUNIS. The hot one. The funny one. The small, bigger-than-life one. I saw her in the flesh. At Starbucks. Cuz you know, Mila and I go to the same Starbucks. I looked up from writing a script/facebooking/waiting-for-my-big-break, to see...
Story telling is an integral part of stand-up comedy. Most comedians, in some form, tell stories. Maybe a story comes as a quick aside to further explain the premise of a joke; sometimes it takes the form of an extended tag at the end of a minute-long bit. At times, a comedian...
Aries: In the past, you haven’t been the biggest fan of candy corn. This week, it’s all your going to want to eat. You’re going to have a lot of energy early in the week, because candy corn is basically pure sugar. This weekend, you’re going to be tired, have a lot of...
